Seth and I knew each other about a month before we realized we liked each other and then another month before that "hey i like you, oh you like me? great! lets date!" awkward talk. Two months later, our relationship turned into a LDR. In two days, it's going to be our 4 month anniversary. Woo! However, I'm not very happy. See, I live in Germany right now and will be there for another year and he's in South Carolina. Yeah, that's a 6 hr time difference! What's worse is that I work days and he works swing shifts, which means when I'm getting up, he's going to bed and when I get off work, he's going to work! It's just not cool. But we are devoted to each other. Well, I am. I don't know where he is sometimes. Nm, I know he is too. Anyway, Last week I was on vacation and distracted from how much I miss him and since I was so exhausted from walking around and all the stuff, I barely noticed that I hadn't talked to him much last week. Yet I still made the effort to get the hotel's wifi and send him a msg about how my day went. He's on vacation now, visiting his family, and now he doesn't have time for me. The situation's reversed and now that I want to talk to him, he's not available. I know this is going to happen but this is officially the longest we've gone without seeing each other's face. On Skype of course! I miss him so much! And he doesn't understand that I crave his attention and that he would completely turn my day around if he would just tell me how his day is going on a msg on FB or SOMETHING!

I mean, knowing him, he won't see it as a big deal. He's not as emotional as I am. I know he's commitment phobic. He's only called me his girl friend once and hasn't told his parents yet. I told my mom about him before we even started dating! Now, don't get me wrong. Like any girl, I have my PMS psycho moments and this might just be that. However. I need to find a way to keep the desperation out of my actions before I scare him again. Kinda holding on too tight and he'll slip away, but hold him gently and he'll never let go? something like that.

He's 21, and he's had a serious relationship before and it ended badly for him. I know I have to tread carefully not to scare him, but sometimes its a little ridiculous! I mean, c'mon! I'm a woman with my own needs and they are not satisfied. True, certain ones won't be and that's okay. I just miss being with him! touching him, holding hands, kissing, hugging! Just being in the same room would be nice! I even miss the smell of his chewing tobacco and I've been dogging him ever since I met him that he needs to quit!

The fact is that I love him and I want to be with him. And he's not cooperating with my wants right now.