I am so excited to see the love of my life...sooooo excited. It's been 5 weeks tomorrow. But I know that after 4 days of wonderful bliss that's it. He leaves and I go to being sad and miserable and a new countdown begins. I HATE feeling like this. I know it frustrates the hell out of him.
I don't doubt that he loves me. I am past that. I know what I feel is honest and true and unbelievable INCREDIBLE. This past week I have worked lots of hours and I am moody. Seems like the past few phone calls between he and I have been very frustrating. It's me. It is me because I am just frustrated. I over-analyze and worry. I am tired of countdowns. I am tired of being apart.
I know we all are tired of them. But right now this is about me.
I am not made for a LDR. I am not. I want him here. I want him to be next to me. I don't want to hurt anymore. I am tired of the rollercoaster. If someone here were to truly know me off this site they would know I am a very positive person that I am strong and I am the one always there for everyone. I keep a lot of stuff in. I guess that is why I like this place so much. I let out my feelings and I can feel free.
Patience. I know. Eventually his house will sell. Eventually he will be here. But the whole in between stage is getting old.
I DON'T want to say goodbye this time.
IT is ruining my excitement for him being here in 3 days. I am a mess...
Calm. Breathe. One day at a time. I lose focus on that. I tell ALL my feeling about this to Dan..he knows my concerns and feelings...I don't hide from him. But I know that he gets frustrated when I get so down. HECK I get frustrated as this is NOT me.
I love him but I am scared as hell.
I'm learning VERY quickly that the best way to handle the over analyzing aspect is to tell him about it the second it happens, before these ******ed brains of ours have a chance to turn it into something much bigger.