As many of you know I was in an accident a few weeks ago. I was very close to dying in that accident. In December my friends Mom died in a house fire a few houses down from me..and I was the one that was basically on the scene first out of everyone and had to tell them....

Both incidents have rocked me. Have shaken me.

Flashbacks were horrible. I developed severe anxiety. To which my doc changed my meds and found something to help me.

I have been battling depression. I want to sleep my days away. I don't want to work. My kids keep me going. I have to keep going for them.

My SO knows everything. Lately I have felt a distance between us. It's one I PUT there. Not even knowing. So he and I had a long talk yesterday......

I just want this LD over. I want his house to sell so we can be together. Have faith...give it time. I know all of this.

The fact I have no "end" date. The fact that a year ago his house was put on the market. All of it together makes me lose hope. I know myself well enough to know that I will pull away anytime things get too tough. That to me in my head it seems so much easier.

But the love that I have for him, is like no other. I will wait. Because I have no choice. Well I do. It would be a life without the man who is my rock.

I made a huge decision to start therapy again next week. Same therapist that encouraged me to get divorced. I haven't seen her in almost 2 years. She has no idea about Dan. This should prove interesting.

I haven't been around here much. Just staying to myself...but I have been reading the last couple of days and catching up....