In one corner we have the father of my children. Knows how to kick me in the balls where it counts. When it comes to my kids....and my own Mother. He has been relentless on both counts. And guess what...it's MOTHER'S day this weekend so why not just double whammy the bitch (the bitch being me according to him.)...Yesterday was the final straw. He called me a trainwreck. Both of my older kids chose to live with him in February because them living here was not good. I was a depressed pile of poo and pretty much worthless. THey couldn't get much out of me...including money..so why not move in with Dad who gives them free reign and money. I am so sick of tiptoeing around that pile of shit. I have NEVER EVER spoken ill about him. He is a great dad...but as an ex....he is horrible. We were together 16 years. The ONLY hold he has on me is that he owns this house I am in and we are on land contract. We are planning on purchasing said home in the next couple of months and then that is it. NO MORE CONNECTION other than the children. I can't express enough.....when you decide to have kids.......remember....you are FOREVER tied to that person. I loved my ex don't get me wrong...I never for once thought we ever would wind up divorced...but when I woke up and realized how miserable I was....well the kids were here and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. Just forever tied to him. UGH.

In the other corner we have Dan. Dan whom I did 19 months of long distance with. Dan whom I loved dearly. Tried to change. Tried to show him that drinking was NOT THE path he wanted. That drinking was going to cost him EVERYTHING. And fast forward 5 months........
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He HAS lost everything.

He messages me every now and then. He is cordial...but it is to tell me that he misses me or that he is happy I found Vernon because he is the perfect man for me. He isn't on my facebook...but finds every opportunity to go through all of our old pics and like or comment on them and I get a notification..as does everyone who commented on them.

Mind FUCK I tell you.

My head is so full of all of this baggage. I try to process it and I get so overwhelmed.

Vernon.

Oh Vernon.

I am so in love with him. Mind Body and Soul. I have found my perfect match. I have found the one who awakens me and let's me BREATHE easy. We have fun with just the simplest of things....a lunch at a Mexican restaurant...a late night snack...shopping at Wal Mart. He is my best friend and my soulmate. NEVER thought it was possible to love like this. SO passionately....so lovingly....so willingly. All of my walls are down with this man.

He is at work. I miss him. I worked all day...tomorrow will be hell. Mother's Day is the busiest day of the year. Noone gets off. I will be with the kids after I am done which should be like around 3. Not sure what we are doing.

I am rambling now.

I just have so much in my head......

I am so happy...just want past baggage to go BYE and life to continue wonderful.

I am different and I am ALIVE.

He makes me smile BIG TIME. He makes me laugh hysterically. And well he makes me feel BEAUTIFUL.


Ahh.