I feel like blogging.

Verona (my pet name for him...lol) just left for a short shift at work. We flat ironed curled my hair..I must say it is HOT. I think it is so amazing he watches youtube how to videos with me...and then DOES them.....like the whole curling thing...he curled my hair. The other day he did a pedicure for me...it was perfect. We have so much fun together. I have to admit..usually I am not one that LIKES to be around people a lot. I am a social butterfly...BUT I love to be by myself. That's what a major problem with my exes was....I liked to be by myself and they did too...so we just did EVERYTHING apart. I had my hobbies and so did they. We never did ANYTHING together...unless it was a kid/school event. Now I am all for a couple having alone time...but they also MUST have together time...something in common. We do so much together. We want to. I choose to do things with him....I want to be around him when I can! Right now we both work nights for the most part...so we have the days together....Morning delight...afternoon snack....off to work..... (I'll keep it PG-13!!)...but I swear...my bed is beautiful and newer..but I am afraid we are going to break it......I will be NOT happy.....haha.

We have to apply for a permit since we want to get married at a state park....hopefully that gets signed...We have a pastor and a photographer...August 17th....5 pm. Not many people will be there...but his Dad is coming up from Texas as are a couple of his friends. He is so funny...he is like...whatever you want to do...I have never been married before. OK yes I get it..just did the whole wedding thing....uh when was it....last year???!! But I am no expert....... But keeping it simple....short ceremony....cake....and off to honeymoon. OK...no honeymoon.....just a night a fancy motel.... For now.

I love Vernona Louise.

Ah yes...another nickname! Where do we get these from? Seriously??

We have been puppy shopping...to stores, shelters......we go look at one tomorrow...we want a little one...girl...Sadie...boy...Bentley.... Ha...sounds like I am pregnant...which brings me to this.

My baby making days are over.

But how I wish I could have a baby with my handsome man. It would be adorable....He is so good to my kids....so so good. They love him already.


The kids Dad met him today. I could tell he instantly liked him. Which means a lot. My ex is a great judge of character.....and I value his opinion. Makes it so much better when everyone gets along.

My other ex. Yes...say his name with me...D A N.

Sigh.

I learned some not so pretty things about him last night......

He "cheated" on me...emotionally at the beginning of our relationship....well it appears that didn't stop..........

I was angry....hurt and saddened.

I opened up to Vernon and told him when he got home from work. We talked about me letting go of my past, leaving things where they need to be left and moving on.

I always feel like I have to be friends with an ex.

I have NO clue why.

He is drinking as much as ever...

How do I know all of this? Well I added him back to Facebook for a dumb minute....and saw things....I saw some of MY friends commenting on stuff about me.....like NOT good things about me......supporting him. I am an idiot for covering up the 3 years of drunkedness...of him taking off in the middle of the night and wandering around the street drunk...sleeping in odd places..and coming home in the morning. Of being NON stop corrected in how I speak (mind you I was the English teacher!)...of my kids being reprimanded ALL THE TIME. I NEVER EVER talked about it. Not even to my best friend. I never want anyone to be put in a bad light. I also try to lift up the good parts of them...and love them as they are.

BUT OMG. SOOOO many red flags.

How did I NOT see?

Well, frankly...I DID see but I thought love would want him to change. For him to get a handle on his health.

I can only see NOW because I have 20/20 vision. I NOW have everything in a spouse I have always wanted.

I settled.

I was told I wasn't a turn on to him...that's why we couldn't have sex....YET ummmm....I will be blunt...I am pretty. That's all I will say.

I am SOOOO at peace now.

Yes I deleted him off my facebook. And the people who were playing both sides of the fence. (talking shit about him...yet being all loving to him on his posts....EVEN FLIRTING with him....)


SMH.