Today was really nice. Nathan was on, and i let him know how i was feeling. How i was feeling a bit neglected and like he wasnt attracted to me as much. not physicaly but where i didnt hold his attention and he let me know where his head was at. And we spent hours talking, and it was nice. we had talks about or future, just thoughts and what if's. And i love hearing from him, and i can't wait to close the distance, even for just awhile, to have these moments we had tonight in person. I want to hear him, feel and touch him. To show him how much he means to me, so he can hear in my voice how serious i am when i tell him i love him.

He does alot, and is doing more for our future right now then i am, so i know i didn't have any right to complain, but i had been feeling like this for days and had to vent. and in the end it was good. and he made the effort tonight, he stayed up till 2am his time, and im pretty sure he was more tired then he let on, or would have went to sleep sooner if i didn't say anything. but i apreciate this, i sometimes... kay i guess i need alot, but to know that im still worth the time as much as i was when we first got together and he was first trying to show he loved me. Not that i ever felt like he didn't but its nice to have it shown. And i know i haven't been as nice to him either, when im not feeling loved im not always the most talkative with him and he notices. So im at fault too. Need to apreciate him, because he truly is a amazing man. I couldn't ask for a love like him.
Closing the distance in 30 more days, and sure i have fears, there are some things about him that i worry how it will be like when were together, and how we can truly be together no more distance, Its alot to think about, and hes so much more easy going then i am, more go with the flow. And for me i like to know whats going to happen and when and im not a big risk taker. lol falling in love with him has been the biggest risk i have ever taken and yes i love it, so guess im getting better. but its all so much, and hes not as controlling as i am, although i dont say it and keep it to myself, i do have control issues. i just keep it to myself.... which is hard, lol but yeah he is worth all this and im beyond excited to be with him. i love him with all my heart, Nathan is my one and only.