So today was a long emotional day. Today i took the morning after pill. And it was hard.... I knew and was the one who asked for it but then when i was actually to take it it got hard. At first only because i looked up about it online and freaked myself out with all the side effects and people commenting how horrible it made them feel physically. So was all scared. But then i had a different thought, i imagined me having a baby, a little girl. And her suddenly gone and i'll never ever have or see her because i "prevented" her. Now i will never have my baby girl. And i cryed, and it was hard, but i tried to push it out of my mind. We went out and walked, but when i took it it was horrible, i so didn't want to but i had to. I wanted to hurry back, as soon as i got back i cryed. Wich i now regret because i hurt nathan. He felt like he hurt me, and it was his fault which it in no way was. I wanted everything and chose to do all of it, but he was hurt. And i couldnt comfort him, he didnt want me to hug him. Then he got up and left the room, and i sobbed, to be the one to hurt him and not be able to comfort him, i was so glad he came back i hugged him. He had only left to get a tissue. I feel as though i had a abortion, silly maybe but i do. But it had to be done i guess.

On a positive note i had my first zumba class! It was alot of fun, but i was self concious lol idk why and i couldnt quite keep up fully but it was real good, i sweated, and i had a blast i would def do it again. Nathan i think had fun. I want him to teach me!! Hope he does soon.

I just want to lastly end with how i love Nathan, he is everything to me, hes my strength, my dreams, my future. I won't let him go or live my life without him. I love him to pieces and will wait forever for him to be with me permanatly.