Blegh so I need to lose 5 pounds. Over the summer and these past 2 weeks i have been eating so much and have gained some weight.... And im feeling ucky and un attractive.... Like if Nathan were here i wouldn't want him to see me naked right now. So starting today I am on a workout plan and going to eat less. Was going to start monday but thats the wrong mentality, Dont put off tomorrow what you can do today! I want to start working out and feel good about myself. And next time i see nathan feel sexy without him having to tell me i am, to just feel it. So going to work hard this next few months before he's here on working out on me and getting work.

nathan said he's working now to save up for me to go there, but thats not something I want him to do. I really really want to pay my own way. My dad and savan and nana all keep saying how i need work and dad goes on how he wanted me to be ahead in life, and that just i know what there saying is all true and im behind and ehh just makes me feel stupid, helpless, childish, and behind. So i need to hurry and step up and take care of myself. But I want more then anything to be able to go next summer. That is six months!! Six whole months with my baby!! I want this sooo bad! I hope and hope and pray i get to. I want to be close and with my Nathan so badly.


And im mad!! My facebook is down!!!