So today was my first day of working out and dieting... and my last.... Nathan had wanted to talk and he up point and blank asked me if im dieting again. So i told him i was and he opened up and told me that this hurts him. That because i look down on myself it makes him look down on himself and that he needs to work on making himself better. Which made me feel horrible. Because the last thing i ever want to do is make him think any less of himself. He is so good looking and he wont believe me if i told him but if by gong just by looks i would think he would be with someone so much prettier then myself. I feel so bad that i made him look at himself in any negative way. He is super sexy and he turns me on so much, and i know he finds me attractive. So i need to just stop stressing... Which for me is hard i can't help compare, plus little things in the past, he's seen models and such, and i want to be sexy and be able to wear sexy lingerie and be intimate but i focus on my flaws. But that shouldnt stop me from feeling good. Eh so im gonna try to not care as long as im healthy and just stop with diets and working out.... lol for now

On a positive note had a good sweet time with my baby, he saw this video i made for him and opened up his birthday presant, only thing that could have made today sweeter was actually being with him. Soon though. We miss being together but less than 6 months i should see him.... long but i hope it comes soon....