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scared
Talked to Nathan about how it will be when I get a job. And how realistically we probably won't get to talk much. With our time difference. Him in college, then when he works, and if im working. There really is no part of the day we can talk. So we would have just weekends, but he works on weekends aometimes. So it means no communication. And I thought at first this was just going to be really hard, but somehow I just have to handle it because its just till april then im with him. But after talking to him its alot more harder then that. Cause I asked him will this put distance betweenn us, and he always is honest which I love but i didn't want to know that. He said yeah it might. And so now im scared. Im scared of losing him, That if we go these 7 months with no talking, that it will slowly create space between us, and he might resent me. And there be this wedge, and now im crying. Im probably making a bigger deal out of it. But it hurts, anything that leads up to losing my Nathan hurts so much. And as i've said, and he just said it, right now we just live seprerate lives. And I know that, knew that but seeing it and just knowing that its true, it hurts. And idk what to do. I need this job, but im scared of losing him. He won't let me go i know, i dont mean i think he will break up with me, but im afraid the distance might break us up. I can't lose him. And i cant think right now, im just upset and scared. Trying to calm down, told him brb, cause i can't talk to him right now. I know he can't see me, but when im crying or upset i cant talk to him yet, have to calm down first.Tags: None
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#1Mara commentedOctober 4, 2011, 04:20 PMEditing a commentTrust me when I say the two of you will make time. It probably won't be as much time as the two of you have to talk now, but it wouldn't be forever and it would help the two of you [with you working]. My SO works and goes to school and I go to school as well. Our school schedules are completely opposite and he works weekends, but we still find what feels like a great deal of time to talk. No, it isn't the same as when neither of us has any responsibilities, but when you're both busy the time passes quickly. We also use alternative methods of communication like emails and videos since our times conflict.
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#2kiara_silver commentedOctober 4, 2011, 05:52 PMEditing a commentThanks, yeah I think I just had a panic attack. He talked me through it, and said that he would even quit his job if he felt that things were becoming distant between us. Which I won't let him do. But to know he puts me first is nice. We'll manage somehow. With the 8 hour time dif and him working we talk at the end of his day, which is around 12pm-3pm my time. So With work we won't get that. But we know were committed and that its only till April, then we'll see each other and making plans to officially close the distance. Sides I will feel so much better if i can pay for myself while im there. So here's to hoping and praying i get hired!
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