It's going to be 5am, and i haven't gotten any sleep. I tried and tried but stupid thoughts won't leave my head and there getting worse. I tried yesterday to push them out and these horrible untrue thoughts kept staying in my head i literally got sick, my head was pounding, where i was looking for some asprin or somethings, sadly couldn't find, and was going to cry, i ate some soup and almost through it up, had to curl up in a ball. And i wrote to him not to worry, because i honestly don't want him to. I don't want him to see how horrible i am, and tonight trying to sleep, so badly, instead crying. And over some petty stuff too!! He is so good to me, so why do i freak myself out and worry so much!?!?! Heard nana get up for work trying to sleep, i was unsuccessful so now im up writing this out. I think I have to write him, If i don't i think ill keep having insomnia and drive myself crazy. But im so scared, i dont want him to push me away. Or resent me or just im scared how he's going to see this. When my aunt said something to him about something else much smaller, he got upset and said he felt like he was walking on egg shells, so im so scared ill upset him again. But if i dont vent i wont sleep and ill keep crying, but i dont want to be the one to make him go away ahhh see no sleep is driving me insane!! Idk how he does it. I think part to is seeing the ring, seeing he wants to spend his life with me i dont want him ever to change his mind.... i dont want him to let go of me, gosh im crying, okay.... going to write it out to him, please please please nathan. im sorry