Starting fresh. So I had a slight mental crazy moment. And I vented it all out to my SO. And he was so loving and sweet and told me to always come to him, no matter what is bothering me. And I know this, in my heart I do, but I get so paranoid, and I feel like these insecurities make me ugly. Like as a person, and he's going to see that and be slightly less in love. That make sense? Still he loves me though, and makes me feel special.
I wish I knew him sooner. Like before anyone else ever hurt him, or took away some moments that could have been mine. He has such an amazing heart, and is a amazing man. Plus gosh so dang yummy! mhmm still in awe that he's mine.
Talked slighty, not the 4 hours but enough to get me my fill of him. Although I didnt see him on camera, and he was so tired, it was what i needed today. Amazing how hearing he loves me can make my whole day. So talked and he will be busy with his course work when im there, which is going to be exciting! I'll get to see and ask questions in person. See his end results, and all the hard work he's done. I just worry that i'll be so tired or jetlagged, I don't want to be in the way at all. But I can't wait.

More than anything im looking forward to the two weeks together. I really just need to get my arms around him, hold him and let him know i love him. Remind him, that yes im a handful, and difficult and just stress im still worth it. That i'll spend the rest of my life loving him. Can't wait to make him feel so loved. I really want to see him and be in his arms again. Best feeling in the world.

I might be staying with my parents..... Not sure how im going to get out of this one. I wouldn't mind visiting, but mom wants me there for a month. And right now things are still awkward and tense with my dad. Plus me and my sister get along better from a distance, we both think so. The thing is... it is really really hard for me to say no to my mom. I find it so hard to lie or disobey my parents. This trip and me going even without there support has been like huge, something i've never done. Nathan knows how hard it is around my dad, and he's worried if i go, he doesn't think I should just yet, that it's to soon. My dad is still... upset? And I really don't want to go.... but moms making it hard for me to say this. Everytime i visit we always get in fights after a few days, So im dreading a whole month.... But I have a feeling I will be going.... gosh please hep me to be strong!