So as of now i've officially accepted that my laptop is broken. Just in the mist of watching a movie it went out, and won't turn back on. It was fully charged, i've left it alone for hours, took out the battery then tried again. Nothing. The worst part is all the items on it. I had saved so many things. The first thing Nathan wrote to me on our one year anniversary. All my videos, and pictures, and notes and its all gone. Okay not going to get depressed, sometimes things just happen....
But im worried about v-day. I had a whole file to give him for valentines. I filled it with different things and was going to slowly give it to him that day, and so it was going to be something sweet for him that I had put together over the week. All gone. I also ordered something but because im at my parents I wont be home to get it and ship i in time. So thats gone... And then I was going to make him a mini photo book. Take a picture in all the spots that had meaning to me. I got one at the theater in the spot where he gave me my b-day gift. But after this it went downhill. The community center was closed, couldn't go to the park with the kids, and then I didn't want to go to the other spots because they might ask why this spot is special ect ect. Plus now I only have 2 more days to do this and send or it wont get there in time. So grr.... all my plans arn't working out. I so wanted to just do something extra, and a little special for him. Just frustrating when things don't go as planned.
I miss him, not talking to him is hard. I don't count emails or messages as actual talking. It so is good to hear from him. (And im surprised he wrote me so much in the beginning!) But its not the same as actual talking, where were both online.
Had a dream of him last night, these dreams are so good, but at the same time sad, because as soon as i wake up he's gone. Blegh....
On another note things with my family have been going okay. Although the comments my sisters made, and the one comment my dad made makes me feel they think i have no morals and will sleep around? Just the little things, but it doesn't bother me in the way it used to. I don't care enough to get mad because i know the truth, still it is upsetting to know how they think of me. But i have a new mind set, and my Nathan's love keeps me strong in these moments.
Excited tho, soon i'll be and see my Nathan!! Oh how im so so looking forward to being in his arms, want that first hug again so bad.
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@Alayna, I know he won't care what I give him for v-day, it's the thought that counts over all... plus he never wants anything.... >.< But i just wanted to shower him with love, you know? But i guess i can still do that if we get to talk and go on cam
Luckily I'm getting into the habit of backing things up a bit more regularly now. I now have 2 external hard drives (1TB in UK and 250GB for USA) Both were a pretty reasonable price. Really worth it!