So my parents..... Little updated on this situation. They have gotten a whole lot better, sure they still have there same complaints. But there accepting the fact that im going and they arn't trying to stop me any more. And can talk to me and be calm and not yell or cry. My dads beef is still the same, that im not supporting myself. So i have no say and will have to do whatever Nathan says. That i cant take care of myself, and that i havent accomplished anything. At this point i cant change, and i cant go back in time and get a job, its to late. So im trying to ignore his words. But my mom keeps calling. She has been good and been able to talk about it, but im expecting a huge meltdown in the future before i go. She thinks that Nathan is or will control me. Going on about how this happens in relationships and that i'll be his puppet, and just going on about this. Really? Nathan and me have a lot of dif, i still wear what I want, still go out with makeup still am me. And even though he doesnt like these things he loves me and he knows these make me who i am. I do things or go out of my way sometimes to make him happy because i love him not because he's controlling me. So i always reasure her he never controls me. If anything sometimes when i want him to decide for me! He always tells me its about what i want, its my choice, its what makes me happy. He's so good to me, and has never once made me feel like he's dominating. Then she goes what if he changes once your there, what if he becomes controlling. Gah I hate these Questions! Cause since its the future i cant tell her, and my i know he wont gets replied with what if he does, Gosh i hate those Q's!! Then she freaks me out about the whole plane and travelling alone... wich in this part okay she does freak me out.... I dont think im naive so i shouldn't have to worry... but she gets me all paranoid. About what if someone pretends to work there and says go this way or follow that path or something, and just freaks me out!! eh my fear was getting lost now shes making me fear of being kidnapped..... and im starting to dread going alone.... I kind of wish we could change Nathans flight till after he graduates so he can come with me. But everything already been paid for, plus i want to see his work and be there for everything. But gah im freaking out!! Im just full of thoughts. I wish they could see how much he loves and cares for me. I really need him here though for those two weeks. Because I miss him and i need that strength boost again to be strong. I know our love is strong, but all these verbal hits make me feel weak. i just need him. Moms worried he'll take me away, so im worried about our future, when I want to move or leave they'll think its all him. Im not sure what I want, where my future is. My parents don't know a lot of what i feel. Im horrible for this but I hold some grudges, that eats at me. And this is my broken side, I have a lot of cracks.
I just need to see him, and talk in person, to hear his voice, to just breathe. Its all coming so fast and im not scared but im scared... dos that make sense?

On other words I might be getting a call.... From my grandma... my dad's mom. Apparently she's been talking about me to my aunts and just who knows who else. And I know she sides with my dads views. And heres the thing. Now the rumour is she wants to pay for me to come down there for a week. And heres the suspicious part... my mom thinks I should go. My mom and her do not get along, and before this my mom did not want me going there, so i think moms hoping grandma stella will convince me or put thoughts in my head or idk what. Just so many thoughts!!