So the family visit is done with. It wasn't anything like I was expecting. I had been a bit dreading it all, because dad had stressed how he had a lot of concerns, and questions ect ect. But on easter when we (my parents, Nathan and I) went out, my dad was very quiet said hardly anything. We answered whatever he did say and spoke, but he was so just...idk? And then later apparently he was complaining to mom that he didn't get to talk to us. Like really? We spent the night at there house, so he had plenty of opertunitys to speak up and say what was on his mind. I had been expecting this and mentally preparing for the past few months. And we got nothing. So I feel he has no right to complain or be upset.

But on other note, things when Nathan have been amazing good and crazy all at once. I feel this visit were more... comfortable? With each other, more settled in as a couple I guess you can say. We fit together. Alright feel free to stop reading because here comes all the gushing. He is driving me crazy about our future. He'll touch my ring finger, or say something missing. Bringing up being engaged, just gah! Makes it all the more real, because half the time, I feel i'll wake up and he'll be gone and really im mental and the past 3 years were all just in my head lol But it's been good, and im excited.
We went and had a date yesterday, actually the day started off good. I spoke a bit with his mom, and just the small part where she mentioned the weather and said i'll see when im there. Makes this more real. And it's a bit of a relif that she is okay with me staying there. And so skyped a moment with her before heading out. We went to see titanic, went out to eat. He took me clothes shopping. I seriously need to avoid shops with him, he wanted to buy me to many things, I ended up getting 2 tops and pants, and the tops look good lol Im already planning on packing them up for may.
And other news! In may if you read you know im going to Scotland, but then also London for the queens jubilee. But now for his dads birthday and my birthday were going to Paris!! Going to Disney paris. And he said we could go to the center of Paris. I haven't got my head fully around everything. I know been planning and talking about all this. And the countdowns going down, but really?? Scotland? London? Paris? Really?! It's unreal.

I feel truly grateful and special. He makes me feel loved. I know he fully and truly loves me. Blegh when at my parents, was out with all my siblings and... I had a accident.... But even that cant throw him off. lol if that didn't gross him out, must be love right? Things are good, im ready to take on the world with him. Although I am fearing this month apart, and then too... when im there just a little. When he gets upset... he shuts me out, just in the way where he wants to be left alone. I get this, but I struggle with this... I don't know how to feel or what to do. And it slightly frightens me. As his girl, and future wife... shouldn't I know how to worm my way back in and make him feel better? Yeah we work it out that day or a bit later, and its never arguments, but... I hate feeling distant, even just for a moment. Idk, maybe im wanting to much. Aperently im clingy. According to my family im to all over him. When he gets up and goes I follow. But I want that kind of relationship, I want the passion, the affection, why does it have to fade away? I want him to keep wanting me in that young love kinda way Kay i'll stop rambling.

Over all the weeks been good, I hate that its almost over, he leaves saturday, but its only 33 days till im there. So not to long this time. Going to go off now, and give him a kiss and love on him lol bye.
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