Cough cough go away come back another day.. oh thats for rain, lol maybe it will work for me though. I've had this kind of cough before, it seems im in the worst stage of it though. And I don't have medical so I can't afford to pay the crazy bill for me to go get a check up for medicine I can get at the super market. Im hoping I get better soon, thanks everyone for the advice, will try the tea! My nana always says lemon with honey helps. So maybe i'll just suck on a lemon tonight?

Oh and for tomorrow, those of you here in the US who are mommys. Happy mothers day! Spending mine with my lovely mom, aunt and grandma, going out to dinner, so its 3 generations here. But it's nice to get together and do something before I leave. I got some new clothes. And since going to paris I have a image in my head, this really pretty white dress I got, and I want to curl my hair and just, in my head i look pretty lol But Nathan doesn't like the dress! lol was a bit bummed cause I was all excited, ah well I want pictures in that dress! lol so taking it with me.

I don't know where we are right now emotionally. We been talking a lot, and about marriage. I mean recently we were looking and he showed me flowers he liked together for our wedding. And Talked bout hair, and how we want personal touches added to our day, about us. Like the invitations and just.. So me, with all this talk, I guess I got in my head a proposal within the next year. Its not a need, its just with all this talk, I been imagining and picturing it, and I guess you can say I want this. Because I want to marry him, its natural right? But I think he feels pressured now like if he doesn't pop the question this year i'll be upset. And I've told him I can wait but he feels im expecting it. Im not though, a part of me hopes, sorry I cant change that, but he doesn't have to. I am perfectly happy with me being his girl, I can wait to be his wife. As long as im his im a happy camper.
He just has my head confused, me wanting to marry him... making him feel pressured, am i to ahead? Or are my feelings rushed? Like ehh i guess the word he used, pressured... I don't know how to process it. I can wait years. Just. Idk. And then wont go into but hes ready for parts of our relationship, but this part makes him feel pressured? i just eh idk how to explain my thought process, its all jumbled, i would think if hes ready for this and this hed be ready for me and the rest ehh. In the end I want him happy. I want whats best for him. And I hope he knows he has me for always, now and years to come, and so he has no pressure on when to pop the question. I want it all, I cant change how i feel, i want it all and i see it soon... yeah, im ready, but im in no rush and it doesnt "have" to be soon. And theres no order it has to be in.
(i'd talk to him more now but with the time dif, hes off to sleep so have to wait) I just have to vent because my heads jumbled.


Nanas here, gotta go, happy mothers day everyone!