Update? I'll probably be vague in this blog, no details really. Things have been still rainbows and butterflys, but there has been a bit of rain. At the moment Nathan just came in and asked me do i get everything I want from him. And I think of the things he has done, the hours of sleep he's lost being with me just to stay up and talk to me, the plane tickets hes bought so we can be together, the things he's went and done to make me smile, the kisses we've shared. And really he gives me everything a girl can ask for.
I was just hurt though, and im going and telling myself its over nothing, because really it isn't but it takes me awhile to accept this. Its easier when were long distance for this part, because he doesnt see when i try to get over my pettyness. We talk, ill vent and then we move on but im still moody about it for awhile, and now us being together, hes seeing me struggling to get over it. I just need time. But he hurt me, and hes apoligized, but i dont think he understands fully all the parts that hurt me. Or doesnt see anything wrong with it, so maybe its me? If it was flipped would he see it differenly?
And now, does he tell things like that to all his friends? So is my smile less special? How does he look at others?
Let me clear up before anyone jumps to conclusions, my man didnt cheat, he's faithful and loves me, its nothing like that. I just writing because i need to vent so i can move on.
And my biggest struggle right now is when he hurts, and i cant stop it, or protect him from himself. So im even more scared being distance again, when he needs me. when he's out upset like he was, and im not in the room waiting, will he take it a step farther? I hate him hurting, and it hurts when he pulls away. It scares me that i wont be enough to take his pain away.
There i vented, ill feel better, going to cuddle and watch master chef, and then today were gonna see the 5 year engament, lol hopefully ours wont be that long. Im shooting for 2.5 years. Overall this man is my heart, my whole world. Nathans my rock, my best friend, my love, he makes me feel whole, and happy. I need him in so many ways, and somehow he accepts me and loves me too.
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