So everyday until christmas. And if that wasn't enough to make me feel loved he sent me another surprise. And then recently informed me 3 more things are on there way. And then! His parents came back from there anniversary and brought back a gift, necklaces one with my name and one with Nathan's, and so today he asked me which one I want... im sure you can guess which I wanted :P lol He says he'll wear my name, I think that is just the sweetest thing ever, not sure if he will or not but its super sweet of him.
Im just lucky, he does spoil me, he has his moments where he teases me and is a butt lol but he loves me, and i love him so much. I'll do anything to make him happy even if its hard, because I know he does the same for me.
So as of now my plans are to go to culinary school in september. I need to talk to Nathan and ask some questions I have. But this is still plan A. I want it so bad, i'll be productive, and learn something i've dreamt about for years. I'll be back in Scotland and the distance will be closed for a good year min! I want this so badly. But im not 100% if it will happen.
My parents are planning to help pay for part, and with this i feel i can go, but I got a message from my mom today. About my dad, and its hard, were not on best terms. I love my dad, he's made mistakes, still makes them and we have a wedge but he's my dad. He would die for me, but i dont have a close relationship to him. Its I love you, I know if it comes down to it I can come to him, if I commit murder and he'd still take me in... but I rather be apart and do my own thing. Lots of past issues that I dont think I can let go of. But now my dads feeling hurt and that I don't make a effort. (I spoke to him on the phone a couple days ago and chatted briefly) And mom wants me to try more, which okay I can email him, But once a week is awkward for me, I dont call anyone, sisters, brothers, mom, friends that much. Seriously, im a hermit who keeps to herself, thats just me. I hate that they get so sensitive, I just don't have much to say. But with all this and mom bringing up helping pay my tuition, and I need to make more of a effort. I dont really want to accept the money from them. I rather say forget it. But then I dont know if I can afford to go if I don't and I want to so badly. But I feel this is going to be my guilt trip and I don't want to do it. But I want to go so ugh... idk what to do.
I don't think I can discuss it with Nathan, he's not on best terms with my parents which is understandable (issues with how they treated him) so i don't want to make him uncomfortable or anything. Ive told him I wouldn't ask him to try. So im at a block right now. And need to vent. I want to keep my parents involved in my life, but they want more or they dont respect me or issues come up.
Ive applied to about 10 places and to be honest I kind of stopped trying just a bit. But if I dont accept the tuition money from my parents I don't know how me and Nathan are going to close the distance if I dont pitch in way more. So that means less time with him but I need a job, to have him in the long run. I miss him so much I want him now, and to end this distance now and to no longer have to deal with the stupid 5000 miles between us I hate it!
