So.... crazy week. So it's been a little more then a week since Nathan's left. And in that time I had my interview for the college. And I got accepted! Was great, exciting happy... then realized damn have no money. Won't go into details but I was scared I won't be able to go. So now it's back to going, but have a lot to do in the next month. And I need about 2 grand for visa and plane ticket. And it's going to be a busy next two years, lots of work ahead.
Today I been packing up my room as well, since im moving, everything needs to go. And it's been so exciting! I can't believe all this is happening, and I must be loved, the sacrifices Nathan makes for me. And today he was talking, about how i'll make friends, and want to go out and such. And it hit me how were closing the distance. I think I had a mini panic attack. That we will be close distance! The 5 months I was there was really just a visit in comparison. We spent all of the time together, and this time im moving an we won't, we'll have our time apart. I knew this but idk why i suddenly felt scared. I think being in a long distance, im used to him being my world, and the thought of us being together but having separate lives kind of scared me? Like what if we forget to make time for each other because were together, or we grow apart, or i get jealous when he wants to go out without me and we fight or. Like what if I don't handle living together well and im only used to visits? Started just freaking out lol But then I calmed down. It's just im used to talking to him everyday, even if im out i message him before i go, and when i say goodnight. And if he's had a long day he messages me when he comes back even if just to say goodnight. And my panic was i might lose all this, which is silly. haha idk what was wrong with me. We'll be living together, and college and work will keep me busy and he'll be busy. I just want to make sure that in the mist of all this we still make time for each other. I don't want closing the distance to make us more distant? Does that make sense, lol im a bit weird.

Its exciting and scary all at once. So much sacrifices are being made for me to come. And I can't let anyone down, it's a lot of work, I don't think i've processed how much work it's going to be or else I would feel more scared huh? Right now I just feel like I can do it. Its two years in one though. And then after this is finished, less than a year later is our wedding! The biggest commitment we will ever make to each other! It's all coming fast and yet at this moment I feel it's still so far away :P Im ready though, scary as it is, I am without a doubt ready to begin my life with this amazing man. Im crazy and emotional, and a ball of emotions, but he loves me, crazy him lol I love him so much. Busy years ahead of us! we'll see where this road takes us.