To sort of go off my last entry from today when I was upset. He's OK with quitting, he needs time. I had a bout of depression earlier but once he got up from his nap he helped me through it like he always does. It was a silly issue.

That aside, I've been thinking about something for a few days and finally mustered the courage tonight to ask him if he would mind my spending my birthday with him. He teased me by saying no, but he said he would love to be with me when I turn 21.

Kinda did that for two reasons. One being, obviously, I wanna see him and spend time with him in person even if my birthday's not until January. Second being this is pretty much the last 'awesome' milestone age in life and all the others have been hell because of my family. Well, every birthday's been hell, let me correct that. And since I like sharing I'll give the gist of why and you can determine whether or not I'm selfish.

My family (well, mom's side, I'm not close to my dad's and they're not in the same city anymore) is the type that believes everyone needs to know everyone's business and stick close regardless of liking each other. My family does not like me. If they do, they don't show it but it's obvious they do not care. All they know of me is that I'm "weird" and like cats, so every gift is either a cat mug/bag/shirt/figurine or some really weird piece of shit my aunt finds at a garage sale. You should see the crap she's found 'for me'. Anyway, so all the birthdays and holidays get spent together. For most birthdays we go out to the birthday person's restaurant of choice, then return to my Aunt's for cake and ice cream. Right off the bat let me say these WILL be held off if my five year old cousin is not with her mom that week since her mom (my first cousin) and dad have joint custody. So essentially the pomp and circumstance of the cake alone is for her, the spoiled child who lacks discipline. Back to my point. The restaurants are usually expensive steakhouses or Italian restaurants. The cakes are ALWAYS expensive cakes from gourmet bakeries made with real, fresh fruit and creme and blabla. Good stuff. I, unfortunately, get the joy of being the third birthday in the string around Christmas. So all my birthdays have either been family meals (where there's very few things I will eat because I don't eat a lot of veggies and they do) or we go to a cheap Chinese buffet. The cake? Grocery story generic white sheet cake. I don't get the luxury of a cheap bakery cake, I get Walmart cake. My last birthday, my relatives decided that since I was 'funny' they would, instead of normal candles, re-use the number 5 candle from my cousin's cake on mine. I was also given a can opener. Maybe that's selfish but I didn't find that funny and I never eat canned food. I don't get treated like it's my birthday, I just get treated like I always do--the black sheep and the person everyone wishes was invisible. (longer than it needed to be, sorry. I get carried away)

So, naturally, I'd love to skip the formalities of less than loving relatives and be with my beloved Mad Hatter. He'll probably spike my tea though. Ah well.