Not doing too well right now. My Psychiatrist, instead of listening, just upped the dosage of Lamictal. I took it for the first time this morning since I had replenished my weekly pill planner yesterday and I'm riding on a fever and a bad emotion trip. I looked it up and I am showing the majority of the serious and casual side effects. Best part is this pill isn't designed for Bipolar II, it's designed for epilepsy and *can* be used for Bipolar I. But that's not my story tonight (morning?)

Hattie had a day off, which he spent sleeping and running errands he hasn't had time for. And I understand, I wasn't mad. We spoke for about a half hour and lately every time we do it breaks my heart because he tells me he feels so horrid for not spending time with me, that he feels we'll never be able to see each other, and that he wishes he had the time to express how much he loves me like he used to and to actually be able to hold me.

I mentioned last entry about me suggesting I find him a job here and my want of getting him here to help him and exactly what the complications are. I may be doing something stupid, but I think maybe tomorrow I'll seriously ask if he'd consider moving here and worrying about the job thing when he gets here. He's in his prime (27's a good age, right?) and he's a hard worker and highly intelligent. I can't imagine it being hard to find him at least a job where it's slightly above min. wage. It's what he has now. I don't want to see him hurting and feeling hopeless and while I'm scared to death about what will happen when he sees me, I don't give a crap right now. His happiness is all I care about. If I can give him a chance to breathe again and not feel like all he does is eat, sleep, and work then I'll have reached my goal.

We need each other now more than ever. He's losing hope because of work and I'm losing my sanity because of a psychiatrist who doesn't care and treats me like a misbehaving child. The very least I can do is try to make that wish of holding each other come true, right?