I don't think the card went through in the mail. I'm pretty sure he would've said something. Don't wanna ask, I wanted it to be a surprise. Gah.
First conversation in a month where we spent it all joking. I keep meaning to ask him if he'll willingly move here but I'm scared.
Going back to my psychiatrist later today. Not looking forward to that.
He unlocked his journal on Gaia for me to read a spreadsheet this morning and I thumbed to an entry made on Monday that made me want to cry. He was unhappy, it was 2 am his time when he should've been in bed, but every time I find out he finds life hopeless and bleak I want to kill whatever made him think that. I'm not doing enough, am I? I'm not doing my job in keeping him happy, in making sure he has a reason to live.
Shit I need new pills I'm TIRED OF BEING DEPRESSED AND PHYSICALLY SICK.
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