NOT a rant post! Yay!

So Tuesday after some fumbling I was able to speak with Hattie for an hour or so (I don't keep track on MSN and I can't read the archives very well, I don't like using MSN) and between my idiotic comments to keep the mood light and a bit of asterisk-laden affection to make up for lost time he told me he was severely depressed and, as I already knew, lonely. It makes me feel so bad every time because all I can do is repeat "it will be over soon" and he's believing less and less. So I decided I would get him a gift, but I couldn't think of what. Then I remembered that whole thing had been over his roommate yoinking the laptop with the webcam and not returning calls to give it back so I decided a webcam he would have! I bought a decent one and though it comes with a mic I gave him the one I used before I switched to the gamer headphones/mic set. Threw in some candy for him and wanted to call it a day.

Today after I got over the gyno visit (didn't have to have the exam or pap smear! Nurse was a bitch though, she over-weighed me by about 20lbs which shows I've lost more of the weight I gained last month and then I had to explain to her what carpal tunnel was after I rattled off I'd had the surgery back in January. wtf lady, she thought it was a genital area surgery!) I thought some more and thought, I could record a video! I've never done that before, and it would let him feel like I was on cam with him for a bit instead of just writing another letter. Then I thought, since I'm sending my old 'jump drive' I'll fill it with songs I've wanted to give him because they remind me of him or us or I think he'd like them because they're funny or in his interests. Then I added a couple funny pictures and a couple new ones of me and an old one I told him about in January I'd taken with my phone where I had a hollowed-out orange on my head. (I figured out how to transfer phone pics to the computer a month ago, I'm so ******ed) All complete with the mandatory "read me" text document! I call it my "Make My Hatter Happy" package.

I have to record the video in the morning (I spent 2 hours figuring out how to record video and audio with my cam using just the software it came with after downloading maybe 12 programs to do that and none of them working) because the lighting's bad and I'm kinda yucky from the day, but after that and my ultrasound I'm going to mail it off to him. The reason for the title is I know when I record the video I'm going to lose all traces of dignity and act a fool like I do with him anyway. Of course this is coming from a 20 year old who ran around a store with a wool rug on her back trying to get others to pet her because she said she was a sheep. Yes I did that. I also did some MC Hammer in a crowd, but that's beside the point. Point being I do silly things that I'm sure other girls would turn red at just to make him happy, and it makes me happy.

There's just something wonderful about making a fool out of yourself for a smile you can only feel and not see.