Like many things, pride is a multi-faceted jewel, a demon with an angel's face sewn on its side to throw of the scales of vice and virtue. We can be proud of others and have it regarded as a good thing or we can have pride within ourselves, for ourselves, and start wars to keep it intact as others challenge us. It's a very human thing seeing as humans are both good and evil, though the balance or lack thereof is purely person-to-person. But enough of my poor philosophy attempt.

According to the datestamp on my IM archives it's been 3 weeks since I last spoke with Hattie, 2 if you count our very awkward PMs via Gaia after that fiasco one Friday evening that caused a momentary rift. Yesterday I had actually had an exchange with him via text (our first "I love you" "I love you more" battle, which I think is funny) somewhere in the early afternoon so my desire for contact was sated. Color me surprised when MSN beeps up an IM (I never gets IMs there, I don't like MSN Messenger or the way they archive conversations) and it's Hattie.

Turns out his silence and stress was due to him being a very busy man. He apparently moved up another rung at Disney and he was finally able to get his own apartment. Up until then he'd been sharing an apartment complex flat with 3 other guys whom he hated. When we first began dating and he began getting serious about us actually being together in person he told me the first thing he wanted was to secure his own place before we met. Now comes the more expensive part, getting a car. That was actually part of his stress. His mother had a diabetic episode which caused him to take off from work to travel to Georgia to see her. And let me say this now, the only positive thing I can say about that woman is she birthed the man I love. Other than that I wish she'd croak. His mom has been notorious for putting her lovers over him, even to fatal degrees. Anyway her new boytoy is some young male stripper (this woman's gotta be hitting 50 but as he puts it "she doesn't need brains, God gave her Hourglass" ) and the entire time he's been there has made a point to show Hattie he's top dog in her life, not him. I'm not sure what his mom does but she's certainly not lacking for money. He asked her to help him get a car, she says no and then turns around and gives the boyfriend her SUV since she had it and a BMW.

It really messed with his pride amongst other things because despite his hatred for his mother he took care of her when he was there and she repaid it by, well, not repaying it. Plus add in some other less than pleasant things... But point being, I'm very proud that he's been working hard to try and better his own life and gain more stability. I suppose this squashes the possibility of him moving here, but oh well. I'm just glad he's alright and so on.

He then tells me another way he's been working hard is revamping the way he writes, which, upon reading that line, I knew spelled trouble for me. It's taken me 6 years to even get my act together enough to stand my ground with him where his writing was. He teased I wouldn't be able to handle him now, a very big challenge. I do aim to prove him fatally wrong so in the 3 more weeks I won't hear from him (it'll take that long for internet to be hooked up at his place) I plan to work on that.

It's very funny, I am a very prideful person. I see red when I'm told I am wrong or corrected in any fashion, I practically froth at the mouth when I'm told something isn't good enough. I simply don't stand for being told I'm not even second best when I believe I am at the top of my game and above and beyond others. However, I have experienced many moments where Hattie has corrected me, flat out told me I was wrong, even debated as to why, and teased me that I still had things to learn. I have to wonder the anomaly that is him for it is only he who can do this and not have me mad, simply determined to do better. Of course I can say without doubt he's an exception to many of my life's rules. At any rate I'm hoping this all means more time with him soon and maybe even a visit.

If Envy is green, I wonder what color Pride is...