It's what he said anyway.
This week he has until Thursday off, meaning yesterday and today we've had time to talk and be our old selves as well as toss around writing ideas. Today he spent a lot of time offline and I was fine with that, I napped and went out to eat with my mom and so it was like any other day. When we started talking there were long silences and usually it means he's busy or thinking up a reply. Tonight every time they happened, he asked me if I was OK, to talk to him, that I seemed off.
I told him it's probably because I haven't been sleeping, what sleep I get is plagued by nightmares (many including him leaving me), every day at therapy I'm lectured about how I act or what I did the day before, and I'm scared Barnes & Noble won't hire me. They're the only ones showing interest, if this flops it may take me forever to find something. He told me to be strong, that I had told him I'm doing this for a reason. I said of course I am, I'm not giving up. I knew it would be hard. It's just harder when you're getting no rest, no peace.
I didn't feel off, but he's always been good about sensing my moods as I have with him. So maybe I am off. I'm going to cry if the assistant manager calls tomorrow and says I'm not getting an interview or I'm not hired. For my plans to begin, I need a job. I've even considered not going to school again. Most artists, unless you plan to work for bigwigs like Pixar or Disney, don't need degrees. I mean they're online courses, it's not like I'd gain friends or social interaction...
Maybe I am off.
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LadyMarchHare started a blog post I'm off?I'm off?
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#1Guest commentedEditing a commentIt's great you are getting time to spend with him. Must be fantastic after so long not being able to talk much. Therapy is hard work, stirring up all sorts of emotions, combined with an LDR and job hunting. Triple whammy. Be kind to yourself. You have a lot going on.
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#2LadyMarchHare commentedEditing a commentIt's something we both needed, though he can't relax much at home, his new roommates are awful. He won't let me have the address because the jerks read his mail and take his stuff. As for the therapy, it's a 5 day a week thing and lately all I've been doing is getting fussed at because I dared to not sleep or I said this or I used sarcasm in a humorous statement and everything's about my dad blabla. I think the job hunting's less stressful than the therapy. I just fill out applications, send them in with a smile, and hope something catches. It's a lot to take on, but like I said I'm trying to better myself and earn money for a reason.Originally posted by Čternity;bt2034
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