It sure has gotten negative around this place, hasn't it? Break-ups left and right, people cheating, people becoming depressed or having trouble in their relationships... is it any wonder I'm perusing and posting less these days? I have my own problems and can't juggle a handful to give advice and be chipper.

I have pretty much a week left before I take my trip to see my Hattie. I've had little to busy myself with beside doctor appointments, the usual refilling of prescriptions, and my weekly therapist visit which last week was canceled because she got a cold. Time has passed very slowly for me and I find with each day I'm becoming more and more stressed out about going. Yesterday we finally visited the airport so we'd know where it was and I nearly broke all my nails gripping the seat in the car. See, I'm petrified of planes. I don't know why, it's an irrational fear much like someone who's afraid of cotton balls or frogs. Facing the reality that I have to not only get on ONE, but TWO of these things just to make the trip there sent me to tears.

The other thing is, I'm doing this alone. I realize the airport staff can and will help me if I ask, but for nearly 4 hours I'll be alone and far from my comfort zone regarding my surroundings and people. I haven't talked to Hattie since last week to tell him where and when I'd be arriving and I'm scared as well he'll forget or won't come pick me up at the airport.

I told my mother all this and she basically told me I have to want to see him and be there with him more than I fear everything else. I'm trying to do just that, but it's devilishly hard. At this point I don't even care what happens during the time I'm there, I'm still stuck on just getting there without passing out or being a coward and hiding beneath my bed. Others have made the travel part sound so easy, so smooth in the sailing, yet I'm wailing left and right just thinking about being in the general vicinity of a plane.

I'm planning to make this week go by as quickly as possible. I have errands later today that might take all day (going to the Social Security office always takes forever), Tuesday I plan to perfect my muffin recipe so that when I bake the final ones to bring Hattie I know he'll like them, Wednesday is my therapy session along with seeing my bastard of a psychiatrist, Thursday I'm going to take a career placement test with a company that will help me pay for college and find a job so long as my results say I'm capable of doing what I told them I was going to study, and then it's until next Monday to fill the void and probably just pack. This would all be much easier if I could just sleep at night as well, but I suppose that's another luxury this insanity's robbing me of.

Wish I could add some positive stuff to all this negativity. Maybe in a couple weeks.