I need to get a normal sleep schedule. All of my blog entries end up being written after midnight because I can't shut my brain off.

Since the beginning of our relationship, Hattie has done one thing rather consistently in way of cutting our distance up like a bad credit card: offering me a job. I am an artist, an illustrator, and it is what I want to do with my life. It's no big secret that Disney needs artists for anything, down to the children's books they put in their daycare centers in and around the parks. The first time he offered to have my portfolio seen by someone, we were maybe a month into our relationship. I wasn't sure how serious this was going to get, I was scared of meeting him (this being the days when my self esteem was below 0 and I fought every compliment ever given me) and so I flopped and flopped, scared to disappoint but knowing I didn't want to move. He let it be for a while. Sometime later, I think perhaps just a couple months after the first time, he again offered me the opportunity. At this point he'd already accepted the management position offered him because it made more money and he was hoping to climb the corporate ladder there to secure funds for me to come live with him. Again I declined and even made a fuss as I was still scared and already seeing the beginnings of how badly he was being treated by Disney, I didn't want to wander under the same umbrella.

With summer came less contact, less conversation, and no chance for him to try and persuade me to let him get me a job. That and I'd made it clear I was looking on my own here to try and save up to move, but that's a bit beside the point.

During our visit, I think it was the second night he was with me, he brought it up again. He told me they were actively looking, made some remark about those currently in employ being less talented than me, and that he could get me in to see them if I wanted, he had the right strings to tug for it to happen. At the time I shrugged it off, but I've been mulling over it since I came home. Would it honestly hurt to try?

I'm not looking at this solely as a way to end the distance sooner than expected, it's also a chance to smear a reputable name on my resume. If I could get my foot in the door with Disney, I could better myself as an artist, have companies clamoring for me and get a chance at making a good salary. It would be a career booster.

My entire problem is, it's not easy moving, especially out of state, and there would be so many things I'd need that I fear might not get covered or covered well enough. Hattie told me once that, with the insurance Disney has him under, a doctor's visit costs him $260. That being a physician. I need a psychiatrist, a gynecologist, a therapist, maybe even a regular orthopedic doctor if my knee keeps up. I'm a walking medical expense and there's the problem that neither of us have a car or a valid license, I have no idea where I'd live if we couldn't afford a place together, and just other menial details. Am I being an idiot, seriously considering taking that chance? Is it worth it? I mean this is all under the grand assumption they even want to interview me, much less hire me, but the possibility is out there.