Little positive note for a change and just voicing some thoughts on what I have 'mapped out' as far as where I'm taking my life.
Last night I had a dream that I think most others would be rolling around in a fit of frustration over, but it really made me feel at ease and happy, especially since the past couple of weeks I've been plagued with nightmares about my dad. (there was one where my dad told me my Hattie was not attractive and to sleep with his friends, there was another where he tried killing me for something)
I dreamed that we were in my bedroom, it was just us in the house, kind of like a grown up sleepover. We told jokes, we made each other laugh, we played around and acted as we usually do when we're not lamenting the distance. I kept trying to kiss him (I found when I was with him I quickly got addicted to kissing him after he taught me how) but he was playing hard to get and wouldn't let me near enough to do it, even though I was jumping up and trying to reach his mouth. He laughed and teased me and I laughed despite getting frustrated and finally told him to just shut up and make love to me, and he did. It was sweet, not just some raunchy wet dream that's all a tangle of limbs and stuff. It felt very real, all of it, and when I woke up I was genuinely surprised to see he wasn't beside me sleeping. It felt not like a dream, but like somehow we were able to spend the night with each other.
We've talked more the past few days than we have in a long time and it feels good. I texted him Saturday and we talked for roughly a half hour and it basically amounted to the usual "I miss you"s and "what are we gonna do about this distance?" Several hours later he bribed a roommate to use their laptop to IM me, his reasoning being he wanted to express his feelings more adequately. (he's not that good with texting so his replies are never long or anything like when we IM) We only talked for 15 minutes but he promised he'd get on again soon. And today we talked because I texted him the minute I woke up to tell him about the dream. It's nice just having even little short conversations, I don't honestly ask for much when it comes to our relationship, which I guess some people think I'm stupid for but whatever. It works for me.
Anyhow Saturday I asked him how the search for anything within Disney's confines was going and he said so far, no good. Which I understand it's almost summer and they're looking to fill intern spots quick. Plus at this point in time I'm not entirely ready to move should a job opportunity arise so I've sort of made it my mission to get myself ready and then tackle job-hunting after that. Orlando's a tourist town, art's a big deal with stuff like face painting, caricatures, designing the looks of rides and crap like that, you name it. My first major thing is getting my license. I've put this off for 4 years, after I had my mental breakdown back in high school, because I never felt I was mentally stable enough to handle driving again. Well, I feel ready, so once the car is fixed (the transmission is about to fall out and call a cab, not kidding) I will drive, take the driving test, and hopefully get my license. Then it's on to getting a car, which I'm hoping if I'm reaaaaally nice to my Ex-Navy Uncle (he has a lot of money because he spent his entire adult life in the service and had to be forcibly retired so his retirement check from them allows him to get a new computer every time there's some upgrade. He even bought us the car my mom has now and made all the payments so we got it for free) he'll help me out. If not, well, there's used car places and I'll just figure out the payments.
Aside from then figuring out living arrangements when I move (I may end up with roommates and not living with him for a bit, which I'm fine with) and securing a job, that's basically the major stuff. I'm trying to be optimistic and give myself a faux deadline of early next year, maybe Spring. May take longer than that but if I work hard I can get things done in a timely manner and be outta here before I get more gray hair. (yes I have gray hair at 21)
It's something to look forward to if nothing else. I know it's unconventional to dig all this up after only one brief visit, but I'm not really a conventional gal. I've thought long and hard about all this and I believe I am ready.
Now if my brain would supplement me with more dreams like that in the meantime I do believe I will be a happy hare.
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LadyMarchHare started a blog post A Night Well-SpentA Night Well-Spent
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Baton Rouge boasts itself to being a city all about the arts, but in reality it's all a big act. The theaters here are high school-esque cliques of pretty snobs who put on period piece shows and sloppy musicals. The museums are more about the buildings themselves and how "innovative" the construct is than what's hanging on the walls. Local art shops tailor to only what's in vogue around here which is anything fleur de lis, purple & gold, or involves tigers. (the last two being for the state college located here, LSU, which has a sham of an art department thanks to our Governor and his cutbacks) There's no demand for people like me here unless I tailor myself to what everyone else is doing for quick cash and local fame and I won't do that. Yeah maybe in Florida I'll have to alter my style to get a job, but who says that's permanent? At the very least I know for certain they are wanting artists. That it gets me closer to my boyfriend is just all the more incentive.