I really appreciate everyone talking this out with me. I have calmed down a bit now that he's kind of talking to me again sometimes, too. I miss my dog. I don't get to see her much because I don't have a car. Now that it's nicer out I'm going to bike to my family's house since it's only like a half an hour bike ride but it's like a 2 1/2 hour walk I don't want to do every time. That's also my exercise routine since I can't motivate myself to go to the gym, lol. I really don't want my boy to be The One That Got Away. It's so unfortunate reading about other people's The One That Got Away. Finally the boy and I have been talking a little bit more than we used to and he's getting better at responding to me most times now after I said he makes me mad not replying to me. My friends say he cares if he sometimes tries to talk things out with me it's just that we can't do anything about it right now. I talked to him two days ago about needing to be fully honest with me.

I knew he was reading my messages: all 20 of them. I know this is extremely sad but funny at the same time.

One response he sent me was, "Don't start sending me multiple text messages, please."

I had to giggle at that and was like, "I'm sorry I can't help it. I don't like doing it. Why can't we talk like we used to?"

I can just imagine his facial expression waking up to my ten messages in the middle of the night. He brought this upon himself by not having a proper conversation with me and doing the fade away thing.

He said, "I didn't want to be a dick but you are acting really crazy."

I responded, "I'm only acting that way because I freaking miss your ass, ugh! I never started acting this way until you forgot about us! Did I ever do anything to you when you were steadily talking to me and not ignoring me? NO!"

I feel like he's purposely forgetting about me because he thinks this will never work so to "lessen" the pain he acts like we were just friends. I told him that's what I sense from him. I said to him I've been nothing but honest with him about every single thought I have and that I need that in return. I asked him how could he act like we were just "friends" this whole time when he knows we hardly were ever just "friends." If we were seriously just "friends" I wouldn't be this pissed off in not talking. I'd be like, "Oh, he'll get back to me when he isn't busy" like any other friend.

Finally when I told him to be honest, he was a little more honest. I kept apologizing to him saying I know he wants a girlfriend he can easily see in person and hang out with on weekends or whenever they want but I can't be that girl for him right now. I just kept apologizing over and over and he said, "You don't have to apologize to me. It's life."

I said to him I was put in his damn life by the universe to see if he would really work for us or to take the easy way out.
Life is not meant to be easy and that he would never learn anything if life was always easy to him.

Now that we've seriously talked it out as much as we could now, I'm going to take a break from contacting him to see if he comes back to me later. I hope he does.