Wandering eye syndrome crept up and caught me unaware. It started during work today. This morning I decided to shadow Robbie, a newer employee, on what he was working on. Only two weeks from the day I said goodbye to Judsen, my boyfriend, and Robbie’s presence was intoxicating. My mind knew that it wasn’t Robbie that I was interested in, I know little about him, but the fact that he was this muscular, intelligent male sitting next to me caused my body to react.

Not knowing what was wrong with me, I tried to control myself and not start flirting. It’s hard to suppress flirting because I use it as an ice breaker for conversations with men. We even talked about our significant others, but his guy smell (maybe cologne?) was filling my brain. The good news is that since it was foreign, my mind repelled it. This doesn’t smell like my boyfriend, I thought. But it caused me to become nervous.

After lunch another cute guy employee, Stefan, was standing next to the copier and my mind flashed “wow cute, maybe something could happen!” Luckily my brain stepped in again and pulled me away from Stefan. I grabbed my phone like a glass of water in the desert and looked down at my boyfriend’s smiling picture. Ahhhh.

The reason these thoughts are causing me to be worried is that I am the worst person with commitment, even when I’m in love with someone. No, I would never stoop low enough to cheat on my boyfriend, but I don’t want to entertain thoughts about other men too. For me it’s hard to be just friends with a guy—I’ve liked so many of them. It seems to be an automatic reaction to any male presence.

I miss the physical reminder of how great Judsen is compared to the rest of the world. Now, it’s just the visual stimulation of Skype, pictures, and memories to keep my mind distracted.

Did anyone else have to combat wandering eye during their relationships? How did you manage? Do you feel like a guilty person for having automatic reactions to certain men?