I overwhelmed myself on Thursday thinking only negative thoughts about what the next couple years apart held in store for us. Without thinking on Friday morning, I called Judsen and said basically "I can't do this anymore." What I meant was I can't do long distance, but as the words were blurted out it seemed clear that I couldn't commit 100% to the relationship anymore.
Judsen gave me the day to stew over it, and when 6pm rolled around I thought that I was stable enough to talk. Nope, instead my anger just flared up again as our relationship teetered on the precipice of break up.
Saturday rolled around, and just when I start to cheer up, Judsen begins to teeter. He's about a second from ending it simply because he couldn't believe that I had lost faith in him and us, but he stayed on the phone and we started moving back to a good place.
It's scary. My faith in us has been restored, but I am still shocked at the fragility of our relationship. After nearly 8 months it seemed invincible even up to that moment. I'm really worried that he or I will slip into that dark hole again and not come out of it.
Anyone else experience this awakening?
-
leonina started a blog post Fragile - Handle Relationships with CareFragile - Handle Relationships with Care
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Steph - Soooo bumpy in an LDR!
Silviar - We're maintaining a balance now. I always enjoy your comments!
I am glad you are doing better....I do understand.
Here is my honest advise. Think before you speak, but dont think too long or too hard. What I mean is that before confronting your SO with something like this, yes you should really give yourself sometime to think about it. You don't want to just go blurting out every little insecurity you are having. You really need to take a day or so and make sure you know what you will be getting yourself into when you finally do tell them what has been bothering you. BUT, make sure that you do not stew for two long worring about something. Think about how you are feeling then talk to your SO.
I have had many experiences like this with LDR and CDRs and one two many times I have really screwed things up by getting stuck on an idea or thought when if I had just taken a minute thought about it then talked to my SO, things will have gone a lot differently than they did.
Stay strong. We are all always here for you.