Then it started to escalate. He tried to stop Judsen from coming to Maryland to see me a few weeks after I had moved. He tried again when Judsen was planning on meeting me halfway at our college a month later where he had to clean out his apartment. There have been many negative things thrown around about me by his father. A continual string of “she’ll break up with you”, “she’ll cheat on you”, and “she’ll drop you as soon as you get near Maryland.” The man has only met me a handful of times, most of those times were when I picked up and dropped off Judsen from our school that was four hours away. He’s seen me take his youngest son to baseball practice, and he knows I like to go running and play catch with Judsen. That is about it! Somewhere in those few hours he had to observe me he came to the conclusion that I was a cheating no good worthy tart who wanted to play games with his son.
Ouch, that hurts.
And if that wasn’t enough, last night J and his dad got into a huge fight because J is coming to visit me this weekend. There was something mentioned about the mileage on the family’s new car (which they supposedly bought for Judsen but refuse to let him drive). Yes, J has come to visit me twice (including this weekend), but I have driven him numerous times to our college, I’ve driven him 14 hours to North Carolina and back, and my family drove him to meet me for a whitewater rafting trip four hours away and back. I also have plans to drive up four times in the next four months to see J!
The dad calls J selfish and spoiled for all the trips and sports games (we bought two tickets…and got three games for free). He thinks it is ridiculous that J spends a half hour to an hour a night talking to some girl who is just using him. Yes, exact words: I am USING Judsen! When I asked J what I was using him for he said apparently for someone to control. Hah! Like that wouldn’t be a hundred times easier and cheaper to do in Maryland with some random guy?! The dad also said I have J wrapped around my little finger and am just dictating how his life will play out.
My heart just started bursting out in pain. Me? A user? Not only have I offered to move wherever J is, but when he gets into med school I have offered to help him out if we live together. Now this is wayyyyy in the future: but J will have to move several times in the next ten years for his career. And, if he chooses to be a surgeon he will never be at home. My career will be put on hold for a long time from all the moves, if I want to have kids before 35 then I can expect to do it on my own while J works 80 hour work weeks. Plus, I’m set to inherit a ton of money from my parents and so money is not really an incentive to be with a doctor. So why am I with him? Because I love him! J has me wrapped around his finger just as much as he’s around mine. That is what love is!—it’s sacrifice and compromise.
Judsen is 23 years old and should be able to make his own choices in life. His father is extremely quiet, only hangs out with his wife, and makes a small salary as a construction worker. He doesn’t approve of J hanging out with friends or being with me and it upsets me so much. The main reason this gets to me is because when I was 17 I broke up with my ex because I wasn’t ready to get married. He tried to kill himself. My ex’s family blamed the whole thing on me, and started emailing me and leaving angry voicemails. I was so young and naive and believed what they told me. They said I ruined my ex’s life. Little did they know that my ex would be diagnosed as bipolar a year later (which his family members had as well) and he came out a year after that—I guess these things were my doing as well?
It hurts, and is so painful I have no idea what to do. Any ideas? Sorry for the long rant. I don’t want to put this off on J.
Extra: And he flat out said to Judsen "I don't like her.", so that's pretty clear. The strangest thing is that Judsen's mom and dad were in an LDR for a whole year in college and they've been married 25 years. You'd think they'd be supportive.
His father is just not reasonable. For some reason he's afraid of losing his son so much that he would rather ruin his life. Which IMHO is sick. I know it's hard to just ignore what he says, but I understood from your message he hasn't said anything worth listening. And he doesn't know how you really feel.
Be strong and believe in yourself.
I really hope your situation becomes better. Some people are just full of sh*t but maybe, just maybe, his father could learn to trust his son's judgment when he gets to know you better.
Somehow prospective in-laws can be totally horrible and yet have the most amazing and wonderful child..
And knowing what I know now...visits to J's place are going to be VERY awkward. At least before I just thought his dad was really quiet when I came over. Now I know that it was because he hated me!