I've been trying to move past this issue but i just can't, theres none i can really talk to about it as everybody i know also knows my sister and i don't want to cause any problems. My SO has been so supportive but i don't want to keep talking about it with him as it upsets him when i get upset and my sister reminds him so much of his older brother (who he no longer talks to) that we both end up on a downer and it ruins the little time we get together.This is going to be a huge blog post but i need to find some peace from the situation as i don't want it hanging over me when i finally get to see my SO.

My twin sister, Sarah. Has always had an issue with me . Growing up, she had a hearing problems which resulted in her wearing a hearing aid through most of her childhood. Making school difficult for her. As we're twins we were in the same class at school but we were soon seperated when i was caught at 4 years old doing her work for her and basically mothering her (my mom always said i was a born mother, i'd take care of everything from dolls to people) I honestly think that this may have caused an issue. Maybe my sister felt abandoned by me when they moved me as she had to fend for herself. She would always say i was the "favourite" twin, that family loved me more than her. Which is complete and utter crap, my mother always made sure we were treated the same. If anything, my sister got more time with my parents than me and my older brother did as she needed the extra help. This trend comtinued as we grew up, during our teens she was bullied at school but i always defended her. Getting into physical fights with other girls i the hope that they would leave her alone. Then she got cocky, if anybody said anything she didn't like she'd threaten them, saying she would get me to beat them up. To me that was too far so i stopped defending her, she needed to look after herself and realise i'm not a weapon. She then started complaining that i didn't love her, when that couldn't be further from the truth. Our relationship from then on was very up and down. I ended up looking from my own place at 17 as i couldn't handle the atmosphere and figured it would be better for everybody if i left, then Sarah would have the attention she craved. My mother was heart broken when i told her i wanted to leave as i was the only one who helped around the house and paid housekeeping (without complaining or finding excuses) I found my own place and moved out just 2 months after my 18th birthday. It was brilliant, everybody seemed happier, my sister and i got on alot better. My sister and I both were in relationships which started at roughly the same time but as my boyfriend and i were living together and blissfully happy, her boyfriend dumped her. He was her first love and she was heartbroken, she got depressed and we all did our best to cheer her up and help her move on. But she threw it in my face, as i didn't know how she felt as i was still with my boyfriend. She on numerous occassions threatened to hurt herself and even did a cry for help suicide attempt (she took 4 paraceptamol and a whole pack of indegestion tablets she admitted at the hospital as they wanted to pump her stomach) Then started to have councilling and took anti depressants. Everything seemed to get better, she met Andy (her now husband) and i after 18 months of trying finallyconcieved and gave birth to my first child. She got married and started a family of her own, having a daughter (i was with her during the labour). Shortly after my Nieces first birthday she was expecting again, i had suffered a miscarriage a few weeks before but was over the moon for her. Unexpectedly i got pregnant again very quickly and our babies were due 6 weeks apart. My boyfriend and i had started our own business (selling prams, cots and all manner of baby things) My brother in law, lost his job and even though we could really afford it being a new business we took him on at our store so he could earn some money to support his growing family. My boyfriend and i split our shifts so we could care for our son and i worked 3 days a week with my brother in law. My sister got jealous, accused me of having an affair with her husband and hanging around in the store all day so she could see what we were upto. Her son Joesph was born in February and my daughter Amber 4 weeks later. She calmed down again and but was pregnant again 3 months later and started hanging around the store again and actually went into labour in the store! She struggled having 3 children so close together, every attempt to help her i made was met with resentment. She called me a bad mother when i offered to buy my niece some new shoes as she couldn't afford them. Motherhood came naturally to me and she struggled and that caused a rift. As my daughter grew and reached milestones it became apparent that my nephew Joesph was different. We (my mother and I) encouraged her to seek help but she denied there was an issue when my daughter was saying Mommy and Daddy Joseph was silent. She finally addmitted that something was different with Joseph and he was dianosed with Autism aged 3. I felt guilty for having a healthy daughter and any advice i gave was met with "You have no idea, theres nothing wrong with your kids" . When her youngest child Brandon was also diagnosed with Autism, we all rallied around and looked after my niece while she attended the various appointments. My business failed,i lost my home but i aways did whatever i could for my sister as she needed my help even if she couldn't admit it. I hid my depression from everybody, going to councilling sessions in secret and pretending i was happily married when all i wanted was to be on my own . I met my SO around this time and began having an affair (all be it online) he was my rock, my support when it all got to much. We fell in love and i got better. My sister pulled through and with the help she was getting from various sources excepted her son's problems and moved forward.