I'm not just talking about breaking up with your SO. Yes, that's hard. I'm talking about breaking off any relationship, including friendships.
I've mentioned this guy, R, a couple of times, in my posts, and, I think in at least one blog. This is one of my two "what if"s. A little back story: he & I dated when I was in high school & the beginning of my college career, our relationship lasted a little over 3 years. He's 3 years older than I am, so naturally, he won me over because I was just a sophomore in high school and he was a freshman in college!
We broke it off when I went off to college so I could "have the college experience". We got back together within a month. At the beginning of my sophomore year of college I started realizing I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I ended things, and we continued to talk. We tried to stay friends. He started saying he felt really sick. I tried to convince him to go to the doctor, and then he finally told me why he was sick. A few days after I had ended the relationship he slept with his ex gf. I admit it, I got (probably irrationally) mad. Harsh words were exchanged, and we stopped talking for a while.
We started talking again probably about 8 months later, when I was finished with my sophomore year. We talked on & off for the summer. I went back to school and our talking diminished again, I was busy. It did this all through my college career.
Fast forward to about a year ago ago. We started talking daily. (All of the talking has been strictly online, fwiw.) Mostly just small talk and stuff. He told me about his plans to propose to his girlfriend. I wished him luck when the day arrived. For some reason our conversations started to turn into mostly arguments. About everything. I'm not kidding. Then I got engaged, and so our conversations turned into discussing our wedding plans. No biggie. For some reason even THAT caused him to get mad at me. Apparently my opinions are "wrong" or whatever. Like, I think chair covers look ridiculous. He got mad at me and said, "Then my wedding will be ridiculous because we're having chair covers. A wedding isn't a wedding with out them." Uhhh...... right.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. I ask him why we even talk, because I couldn't remember a conversation we had had that didn't end up in an argument. He disagreed that we got into arguments and then said, "Because we're friends?" I let it go. A week later he turned around and basically repeated what I had said, word for word. Then more words (I don't remember exactly what we said) but it boiled down to him outright admitting that he doesn't respect me. I suggested he read a book, or listen to a sermon series. He said "maybe later". I would ask him if he ever listened to it, and he would reply, "no." "Why not?" "I didn't want to." "Why?" "Because." "Because I suggested it?" "Pretty much." I said something along the lines of, "I feel like you don't respect my opinions, or me. Do you disagree?" "No."
So yea. That happened. He actually admitted he doesn't respect me. So I decided that he's not worth my time. I mean, really, what's the point of talking to someone and trying to maintain a friendship when they outright don't respect you? He messaged me every morning for about a week and a half. I didn't respond. He finally sent me a message that essentially said "if you're mad at me for some reason, I'm sorry." I didn't respond. A few days later, "I figured out why you're mad at me. I forgot what I said last week and I'm sorry for saying it."
I almost wanted to ask "Really? Why am I supposedly mad at you?" I also wanted to tell him that I am in fact, not actually mad at him, but why the hell should I waste my time talking to someone who outright admits that he doesn't respect me? (Semi unrelated: but this is the same guy who told me that I'm going to get pregnant on my honeymoon because Nix & I aren't physically intimate. Oh yes, because we won't have the common sense to use protection when we finally do have sex on our wedding night. I felt no need to tell him I'm on the pill.)
It's weird, though, not talking to him. I don't regret my decision. At the same time though, I want to know how their wedding planning is going, because I'm nosy like that. I want to know if they ever figured out what they're going to do regarding church. And, as horrible as a person as this makes me, I want to watch and say "I told you so" when shit breaks loose and their relationship starts to crumble. No, I don't wish it on anyone. But with all this crap they don't talk about, and all the problems he refuses to mention because he doesn't want to get into an argument with her... one day it will all blow up. It always does eventually.
I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is. To get this out in the open, I guess. To admit that I miss talking to him. But, I am not going to. I can't do that to myself. That relationship was toxic, and I'm trying to cut out any unnecessary drama from my life. My family provides enough of that, thanks. So... yea. I guess that's all. I don't know if I feel better after writing all of that, but hey. Worth a shot, right?
We're cordial now (there's a lot more to the story, but it's boring so I won't go on). I do miss her as a friend, but the person she is now isn't someone I could hang out with. She probably thinks the same about me.