I spent two and a half hours last night on the phone with my best friend. She closed the distance with her boyfriend in September after being in an online relationship for 10 months. Her first visit was their only visit, she just decided to stay there. Things were going OK, there were minor issues along the way, but nothing really big. Well, yesterday she calls me in tears that they're on the verge of breaking up.
They had a big fight. She feels disrespected and hurt that he still flirts with other girls on Facebook, he doesn't understand why as it's completely harmless. She wants him to commit, he says he wants to be with her but that he doesn't know if he can be what she wants him to be. But they ended on a positive note, that they both want to make it work.
It made me really think. I do think they have a future together and that they're genuinely in love. But they jumped into it waaaay too soon. The only reason she insists on closing the distance immediately is because she thinks she wouldn't handle saying goodbye after a visit. Add that to the fact he's 23 (she's 27) and none of his friends are settled yet the way she wants them to be, there are just so many problems to face. They can get out of it, but it's going to be so hard.
It made me think about our own situation. As much as I hate being away from him, as much as I wish to close the distance ASAP, as much as I'm sometimes frustrated by the pace our plans are being developed - it's actually a blessing in disguise. Why put something as special as we have, and it's only getting more special by the day, why put it on the line because of impatience, just because you don't want to be alone anymore?
So no, I'm not jealous of her anymore. I don't think her boyfriend is a bad guy, but I'm really happy mine is different. And I'm genuinely happy with our relationship and I'm glad we are where we are. I know we're going to get together when the time is right, when everything is ready for us. I also know we'll have a fair share of issues as well and that it can't go perfectly smooth. But it will be the right time...and now it's not. Regardless of how we feel for each other, regardless of how much we want each other.
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Taking it slow is always important. I know I have friends who I love over the internet/phone calls/skyping/etc, but can't stand in person for more than a day. And I always think about them when I hear about couples on here moving in or getting married before they even meet and spend time together.
Thanks for the nice post
I do hope things work out for your friend though. "Harmless" flirting on Facebook was the beginning of the end with my ex. [He was too immature to really commit]