I already messed up with the guest list, I sort of accidentally invited someone I didn't actually meant to. I used to work with this woman some time ago and we were actually friends for awhile, we were quite close back then. Then she got all weird and being a journalist she used the media to express her political views which were quite controversial. She's a die hard Catholic and opposes gay marriage (though maintains she's not homophobic) and she went on a crusade against sex ed in schools… ugh. It came quite unexpectedly at the time because while I knew she was a traditionalist, in all our debates she was never flat out bonkers like that, I actually thought of her as an example of someone being super religious and cool at the same time. I guess she broke my heart
Anyway, I ran into her the other day and as I was all excited and panicky about everything, I asked her if she's free that weekend to attend my wedding, and she said yes. :-/
She's gained a bit of notoriety and pretty much everyone else on my guest list disagrees with her opinions. So that gives me a headache with the seating arrangement
But she can be quite fun when she's normal so hopefully everything plays out OK.
Another knot in my stomach is the finance arrangement. Right now my mum and I are paying all the deposits which makes sense as we're local. David plans to pitch in but his parents are nowhere to be heard. I asked him if he had that conversation with them, and he said he's reluctant to as he doesn't feel comfortable asking them for money and he doesn't think they can afford it. His folks both have decent jobs, no mortgages and no rent, they never go anywhere or do anything so I don't see why they couldn't afford to pitch in to some extent. Nobody expects them to pay for half or anything like that.
I also don't understand his reluctance, I mean I don't like to ask for money from my parents either but this is our wedding we're talking about. It's not like we're asking them to buy us random stuff, just to help us organize a very special day for us and what should be a special day for them too.
So I told him if he can't ask them openly to at least tell them that we paid the deposit on the venue and have to pay deposits on the band and the photographer and see what they say. Apparently he did and they promptly glanced over it. He told me they didn't say anything, and I said, well that says everything.
I don't know how much of it I can attribute to cultural differences and how much is plain stinginess. If the grooms parents acted so aloof over here, it would be a major scandal. I think even more disappointing than not being willing to pitch in is them being so detached. Like this is mine and my Mum's personal party they're invited to. David then chimed in with, "I hope they'll at least pay for their own travel and accommodation" and I almost lost it right there. I may be able to accept them not wanting/being able to chip in with the expenses but if we had to pay for them to come over on top of it, I'd die. It's only a couple of hundred euro per person too, honestly shouldn't be a big deal to them.
I don't know what to think of all this. I know in my culture we're often reckless with money but really I think this is just being mean.
It's interesting hearing your experiences on the finance. We will manage to cover it without their help, but I don't really feel like it's fair. But that's the way they are and I can't do anything about it.
Anyway, I booked the venue and the band, I just have to sort the church out and that'll be three of the most urgent things done, then I can relax a little and do everything else.
In my country, traditionally the parents pay half each, I think that is how it went down when my parents married as poor students 37 years ago. Nowadays often people marry older and after having landed jobs it is often not expected that the parents will pay. When I married my husband 6 years ago, we had a rather modest wedding and his parents payed some (not planned, but they just sticked us some money on the wedding day), the rest we covered ourselves. If I knew my parents were loaded I might ask my parents for money, otherwise I feel it would be rude to ask them for money. My parents payed for parts of my sister's wedding but she also came right from university with no money saved up and they had a modest wedding with her wedding dress on sale, home made food in the rent free church hall etc.
I am sure it would be nice for you to talk to your SO about tradition and their view on things. Perhaps he can explain to you. Good luck with relaxing
My dad knows me and my sister are both engaged and actually got a financial planner to help him save for the inevitable weddings, but it's slow and he might have a massive grand total of like 2,000 bucks by then lol. Whatever though, it's workable.