I'd like to start off by saying that this isn't specifically targeted towards LDRs, but that it is full of good things for any foundation.

I was doing my usual strolling of Pinterest when I came across something that caught my eye. I was a picture of a man holding a sign that read, "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage"

I thought to myself that this had to be a joke of some sort, so I clicked on the link and was brought to the blog of "Single Dad Laughing", so I read on. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this article was no joke. It was the result of the unfortunate failure of one man's two marriages which resulted in some good life advice.

Though there are some parts that I don't fully agree with, there are others that I relate to greatly. I've decided to go through each item on the list and give feedback. In total there are actually 31 things listed between two entries, so this will be broken up. If you'd like to read it for yourself I'll put the link at the end of this blog entry.

Let's start this off:

"1. DON’T STOP HOLDING HER HAND
When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.
BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don’t get cold. True story." -Dan Pearce

I agree with him on this one because honestly, I don't think there is ever an excuse to stop holding hands. No matter where you are in life you should always try to keep that sense of loving closeness between you and the one you love.


"2. DON’T STOP TRYING TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. I’d make myself desirable so that she would desire me.
BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor." - Dan Pearce

Okay, I'm going to address this one part at a time. First off, I think you should always strive to look good for your partner. It makes a world of difference to know that someone is willing to put forth the extra effort in order to show you that you are worth it to them. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do it all the time, but you shouldn't be lazy about how you present yourself all the time either, especially when it comes to the one you love.

Now the farts part, because I have had several conversations with several different people about the subject. We all know that it happens. It's a natural part of life and sometimes there is no way to avoid it, but for some reason (especially guys) the more comfortable a person gets when they settle into a relationship the more they start to care less about things like that. There is a HUGE difference between comfort and courtesy. It is a courtesy to remove yourself from an area of people before passing gas. Not only that, but let's face it: IT'S NOT ATTRACTIVE. When was the last time you wooed someone by farting? It's all about woo-ing that person you have already wooed because they are worth it.

"3. DON’T ALWAYS POINT OUT HER WEAKNESSES.
For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn't do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn't even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I wouldn't say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I've learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.
BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street." -Dan Pearce

This is one of my major pet peeves. I can't take when someone is ready and willing to tell me all that I am doing wrong, but none of what I am doing right. Not only will it hurt the other person's feelings, but what people call "constructive criticism" in a relationship can tend to DEstruct other's self esteem and put them on the defensive. I can't tell you the number of times I've had fights in relationships over this kind of thing or that I've done it myself without realizing it. Positive reinforcement really goes a long way in any situation.

"4. DON’T STOP COOKING FOR HER.
I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow." -Dan Pearce

I've never been a good cook, but I can understand the sentiment behind this. Even though I can admit to that trying is all that it really takes. Effort is worth it's weight in kisses and appreciation! It's all about keeping that special someone feeling special. No excuses!

"5. DON’T YELL AT YOUR SPOUSE.
I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.
IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and I’d have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?
BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise." -Dan Pearce

I think we are all guilty of this in one way or another. We have fallen on the lazy side of things and let that take over. When I first read this I had to think about it. In my mind yelling was inevitable, but after stewing over this I realized that he had a good point. I could just as easily make the effort rather than raising my voice when it wasn't necessary. I didn't realize just how much it really bothered me when people yelled in my direction.



Okay, that's all for now! Please let me know your opinions towards any of this! I would like to hear your views as well!!!

Link to Dan Pearce's Blog: http://www.danoah.com/2012/10/16-way...-marriage.html