Why am I so screwed up? I blame my family. :P
We were taught to just keep stuff in pretty much until we snap and say something stupid. I also blame the fact that I've been pretty much a loner my whole life. Never really had friends and wasn't in a real relationship until I was 27. (But it's not an excuse. I have the power to change that and only I can do it.) So yeah that took a toll on my self-esteem to the point where I truly believe everyone, my girlfriend included will eventually abandon me. My girlfriend DOES NOT want to get away from me. She wants to be with me forever. She tells me all the time, so why can't that stick in my head? Well it's gonna. I need to change this and I had been working really hard at it. But my behavior a couple days ago made me took a few steps back. It happens. I have to suck it up and move past it and make a change and commit to it. Because if I don't I will end up doing exactly what it is I'm afraid of and that's push away my partner.

I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL DO IT!!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply to my last blog. You helped a lot and it's much appreciated.