I feel so stuck right now. Stuck in this depressing little town in France. And it's so hard when everyone's like, "Oh living in France must be so wonderful, how amazing". Listen people. It sucks. Full on sucks. Living in another country is already hard enough. I know, I've done it now....6 times. There are cultural barriers, language barriers, plus the fact that everyone has their own lives going on, their own friends, their own families.
France is an especially difficult place to live because of the culture. The people are really closed off and guarded. Many will be friendly to me but that rarely translates to friendship. Some will be straight out RUDE. I don't understand how human beings can not do anything to help another human feel comfortable or welcome. It just doesn't make sense.
Now add on top of all of that, I am in the "armpit of France", as many call it. Small town, high unemployment, high poverty, nothing to do, no sort of community feel. I didn't choose to be in this town when I accepted the job.

Leaving my fiance to come here was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It hurt but we both knew that it was a good experience for me career-wise. I have been wanting to be a French teacher in the States but that's not at all what my degree was in. I have experience teaching English to adults in Africa, but I decided that this job, through the French government, would be a better resume builder and would give me a chance to experience teaching middle schoolers.

So now I've been here for a month and a half. And I've figured out that I really enjoy teaching middle school. But....the way my schedule is set up, I see each class so infrequently that I really don't feel like I can make a difference. I have over 350 students right now (I am just an assistant teacher so I change classes often). If I only see each class once every couple of weeks, how can I make an impact on them? At least they will have a little oral English practice and can learn some cultural things from me. And maybe I can make them comfortable enough so they can see that learning a new language can be fun.
I can see how I personally will benefit. I have already been testing different classroom management tools and the more hours I get in a classroom, the more confident I'll feel. I really think it's a beneficial experience for that reason.

But still, it is so hard to be here. I take dance classes twice a week and have met some nice women through that. But again, their friendliness doesn't become friendship. Doing anything here is such a pain in the ass...everything requires so much paper work and hoop jumping. And the weather here is so damn depressing.

It really is a short time that I'm going to be here (I leave in the end of April). But when you're miserable, that seems so far away. I am unhappy and I find myself crying a lot. There are only a few things that keep me going here: the strength and positivity of my SO, my dance classes, knowing that it is a good job experience. Ughh I just feel so crappy right now. I don't want to look back at this later and feel like I wasted this time just being unhappy and alone in my room.

Wow that ended up to be quite long. Just needed to get my thoughts down on paper.