Another awful day in France.

For those who don't know...I live in one of the shittiest towns in France. And it makes me sad. I used to love French and love France. I loved the language, culture, food, everything. I've lived in France twice and although it was challenging, I still was so passionate about being there.

But living here, in this town, has made me bitter. Hearing French makes me annoyed now. And that is so heart-breaking. This is the language that I love....what's going on? I want to teach French in the US and I don't see that happening if I keep up this attitude.
I hope that when I walk away from here I can just erase the bitterness from my mind.

I think back to a year or so ago where I was so in love with French. I used to jump on any opportunity to speak it, listen to it, etc. Now, here I am again, and all I want to do is crawl into bed for the next few months. I cried at least 5 times today. I don't want to be here. This isn't even about missing my SO. Of course I miss him, but like I've said before, the distance isn't so bad and I can handle that. I would rather be anywhere but here for the next 3 months.

There is just so little of my life here that is enjoyable.