It's not going to be a big deal wedding, just a courthouse thing. We've decided to wait to do a bigger wedding since neither of our immediate families are here. And then hopefully, someday when we go to the USA, we can have a big wedding/welcome home party with both of the families (both of our immediate families live in the USA). But there is one major annoying roadblock before we get married: PRENUP. I had always wanted to do a prenup. Even before I met *my person*, I knew that I would do one. It's not like I don't like sharing, but I have some money from my grandparents and I really want that to be protected in the case of a divorce.
For those who haven't done one, doing a prenup is a huge pain in the ass. You have to have 2 lawyers (one for each of us), it's effing exxxxxpppppennnnssive. It also takes a lot of time and this is all more complicated for us since we are a doing a US prenup from abroad. So we are dealing with this by email and skype and then we'll be signing it at the US embassy notary.
The point of my blog entry: my SO is willing to do this for me, but has admitted to me that it makes him feel pretty shitty. And anytime we have to talk about it, it's a really strained conversation. It really sucks. I know that if the situation were reversed, he would never have asked this of me. But it's something that I need to do. And he understands that and he'll do it but it doesn't mean that he is happy to do it. Last night, we had to review the prenup together before he met with his lawyer today and he was in such a pissed off mood during the whole conversation.
I tried to push him to talk more about it, like I wanted to make sure he was comfortable with what he'll be signing. I am happy to make changes in the agreement if he wants them. But he was pretty much refusing to talk about it. He just wants to sign and get it over with.
Today, I decided not to push him about it. He had his skype meeting with the lawyer and then afterwards, when I asked how it went, he said it was "fine". I really wanted to push further and see how he was feeling about the whole thing. But I know he hates when I push so I figure that I'll just leave it and see it as something that we have to get through and then forget about.
Sorry for the long post. I just really needed to talk to someone about this because it's been stressing me out and I've been feeling really guilty about it.
As for the party, I'm just not that into it. My family isn't here. It would just be for his extended family who aren't always my favorite people. We already had the huge Malian wedding when we did our religious wedding. And trust me on this, Malian weddings are only entertaining the first time you go to one. After that, they're something to be dreaded.
I'm sorry this prenup thing is putting such a strain on your relationship, but I honestly believe you're doing the right thing, since it's not just about YOUR money, but your family's inheritance. Your SO sounds like a very reasonable man, but men in cultures like his (and mine) aren't used to these types of arrangement, and maybe his pride is a little bit hurt, too? Anyway, I'm certain he'll get over it soon. Just give him some time and don't press the issue too much.
I didn't know you had done the "fatiha" marriage before the legal one! Makes sense, though, if your SO is religious and you're living together. Anyway, best of luck