Feeling down and hoping a blog post will clear my head and maybe make me feel a bit better.

My friend who came to visit me left yesterday. We had a really fun time but all of our good times just made me sad because I remembered how nice it feels to have a friend to spend time with. I am so painfully lonely most days. Having Rokia is a great blessing, but sometimes hanging out with a 4 year-old just won't do.
My SO and I have some problems that I haven't really been willing to share here. I don't know why, I guess I'm afraid of being judged, afraid of people saying, "why the hell did she marry him?". I won't get into it, but let's just say that I am so lonely that it hurts. And I feel so tired of being strong.

And then, we still have no word on Rokia's visa. Her and I going to the States together was the one thing that I have been really looking forward to. Her case is under administrative processing which could take "2 to 3 weeks or longer" according to the woman on the phone. We were originally supposed to leave today (the 8th) and then when that wasn't looking possible, I pushed the date back to the 12th, and if that doesn't work, I can push it back to the 18th. But can't push it much beyond that just based on the travel plans. So I don't know at what point I should just give up and go without her.