For... a couple of years now I have very much been struggling with the Compulsive side of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ignoring things by counting footsteps, floor patterns, ceiling tiles, Christmas lights). Now that I am venturing out onto my own and can do whatever the hell I want to without having to worry about someone else (to an extent obviously, I understand that my actions will affect Ryan) I am struggling in a completely different way.

For those readers who really don't have a clue what I'm about to dive into, here is a little bit of light reading courtesy of wikipedia...

"The person with OCD understands that their notions do not correspond with the external world; however, they feel that they must act as though their notions were correct."

"People rely on compulsions as an escape from their obsessive thoughts; however, they are aware that the relief is only temporary, that the intrusive thoughts will soon come back. Some people use compulsions to avoid situations that may trigger their obsessions."

So anyway... Obsessions come very very easily to me. DragonRealms, LFAD, Ryan, playlist.com... I mean these are just the ones I'm struggling with right now.

I am starting to think that it's time to head back and give behavioral therapy another try. (I refuse medication, no offense to anyone who has taken that route but it's just not for me. I have to be able to beat this because I want to. Not because some drug is turning me into a possible zombie.) I need to be able to sit here on a Thursday afternoon, knowing that everyone is out of the office tomorrow, and I don't have a whole lot going on, that I can convince myself to NOT drive to Pittsburgh just because I "can".

Have I mentioned that the fun part of OCD is that you know you're completely and totally wrong? It can be maddening.

WOW. Thanks for listening.