"He says it’s because I am inconsistent but I think he is also extra sensitive"

It's probably both. I'm sure you know, but the thing is, apart from being sensitive and patient to your partner, you have to do the same for yourself. It takes time to overcome issues from your past and the more trivial they seem, the harder they can be to spot. But they still matter. That's the case for me anyway.

So I am slowly getting better at recognizing my anxiety and when it occurs I try to bring the good of our relationship into the front of my mind (which is pretty much everything except anxiety and distance)... like even though I had extreme anxiety a week or so ago, when my SO and I next spoke, it dissipated almost instantly as it always does when I hear her voice and I felt silly for it. And right now I am in such a good place so I try to remind myself that the anxiety is temporary and not really to do with our relationship, and that it passes. It comes and goes like the tide in the sea and everytime the tide rises, it doesn't mean we're all going to die in a flood...

Ok, so there's some sort of deep analogy in there somwhere, but to tired to work it out :-)