I'm kinda still stuck in the wedding bell blues today. So this is tied to the blog and thread started like last week.
Today...I went shopping for wedding dresses with the 4th bride who has honored me with a place in her wedding party. Now, I'm super honored and flattered to be Maid of Honor at another wedding...but I'm still just the Maid, not Matron, MAID of Honor. I have never felt like the phrase, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" has fit me til now. I've actually been to the same David's Bridal for 3/4 of these brides. I know my way around the joint by now, but always shopping for someone else. Telling them how pretty they look, and this dress and that dress will look amazing on you. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN DAMN IT?!
I'm gonna be 30 in June. So much for wanting to be married by 25. That plan went out the window when my 5 year relationship went stale. I'm so happy for my friends who have gotten married (1/4 of the marriages ended in divorce =/). But this huge part of me just gets sad. I wanted to be married by now, I wanted a kid or two...yea that didn't happen. And at this point in my life my biological clock is starting to tick. I have less then 5 years to have a kid and not have to worry about disorders in my child because of my age. Autism, Down's syndrome....the chances of having a child born with these goes up a lot as you get older. I'm just worried I'm never going to reach that point.
Yet at the same time I know I can't rush things. I can't pressure my bf to put a ring on it. I can't stop taking my birth control to get pregnant, that's not the type of person I am. I want these things, but in the right order, for the right reasons, at the right time, and most importantly with the right person. Charles is my match, and we can be that ridiculously cute old couple who holds hands as they walk through the supermarket. We probably won't be bc alzheimer's runs on both our sides, but I chuckle a little imagining us poking each other with our canes in nursing homes and not knowing why. Meanwhile the orderlys have called our kids to break us up again. (yea that's probably a little twisted lol)
And my married friends asking me when is he going to propose isn't helping this any. 11 months in May guys, stop asking. It's too soon. I don't know why they all think we have been together longer then we have. Maybe its bc we are so compatible, maybe my friends lose track of time bc they are newlyweds. I don't know. And don't even get me started on my cousins asking when I'm going to pop out some kids...bc that shit has been going on since I was 21. Just because they have an abundance of kids doesn't mean I need to start accumulating some! Just...UGH! I have to remind myself to be patient, but its not easy with another wedding coming up in July.
End vent.
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rubydissolution started a blog post Always a Bridesmaid, never a bride...Always a Bridesmaid, never a bride...
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age 20: one in 1,500
age 30: one in 900
age 40: one in 100"
Ok so 30 is not as bad as 40, but 30 is not as good as 20 lol!
and there is this.
"Though most older mums have a healthy pregnancy and birth, you do have an increased risk of developing ongoing health conditions, such as diabetes and high blood pressure. These conditions can affect your health, and how well your pregnancy and birth goes.
Miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy are sadly more common in older women, as are pregnancy complications such as gestational diabetes, placenta praevia, pre-eclampsia and premature birth."
Mostly its just my paranoia...
I was 25 when I got married, but I wasn't happy on my wedding day. (Was suffering from depression and only got married coz I thought that's what I had to do as we already had one child, and I also believed that divorce is not an option which is why it took me so long).
I'm not saying it was a mistake or that I regret anything, and two lovely children came out of it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is wait and do it with the right person at the right time