Let's face it - everyone in an LDR can attest to that. Would we have willingly chosen to be 1-30 hours away from the person we love, knowing the additional burdens it places on a relationship? Relationships require enough hard work and sacrifice without the added stress of being physically apart. And yet we would all argue it's worth it. I know I would. Our partners make all of that extra work worthwhile.
And I hate how much money plays into the equation.
Take our illustrious leaders, Michelle and Frank. Many of us voted for them in the Sharebuilder contest because we wanted to help; even finding out cheaters were taking the top three places didn't stop us from pitching in however possible. My heart went out to them and their story of moving together, only to have a life emergency cancel it out a week later. Frank was stuck with paying for the newly leased apartment, and I can only imagine how painful it was to have that opportunity ripped away.
Out of all the things that shouldn't matter when you love someone is money. Love may be free, but cost of living isn't. When it comes to closing the distance, you have to shove emotion aside to make room for practicality. Much to my boyfriend's amusement and occasional dismay, I'm a planner, and when we started talking about me moving to Australia, I realized a few things right away:
1) This was going to take a LOT of organization to minimize emergency situations.
2) It isn't a process for the flighty or half-committed
3) Holy crap, I have to have what done and how much in order to move?!
To give you an idea, here are the things I've had to budget for:
- Emergency Fund - If something can go wrong, it will. Cars breaking, illness, canceled flights, being unable to find a job... life happens, and you have to be prepared for it. An emergency fund turns a crisis into an inconvenience. Generally, you want 3-6 months of living expenses.
- Moving Costs - For some people, it's hiring a moving truck. For others, this includes shipping overseas and the many options available, selling/storing leftover items, and airline tickets.
- My debt load - I didn't want my debts hanging over my head and creating stress while trying to move overseas, so I paid it off. All $42k of it. If you're not paying it off, you better be prepared to have the cash to pay it off when you move.
- Establishment Costs - I think this is the kicker. It's not necessarily the expected costs that eat you, it's the one-time costs. Deposits for living space, turning on utilities, switching licenses, furniture, linens... setting up your new life eats into your costs, even if you skip getting a couch and eat off of milk crates.
- Cancellation Fees - Will moving cause you to break your lease, cancel your cell phone contract, pay for membership cancellations? Personally, I had sticker shock about cell phone cancellation fees, and that played a large part in my current cell phone plan, since I didn't want to pay a few hundred to not use someone's service.
- Monthly Living Expenses - Figuring out where and how to cash flow your new life can be difficult, especially if you don't go with a job in hand. This is where that emergency fund comes in handy. Figuring out where and how you're going to live will help determine how much you need to make in order to live comfortably.
- Visas/Immigration - Ok, this one doesn't affect everyone, but for anyone going overseas, it's important. And it's not just the application fee, but the required cost to get the requested documentation which can add up!
- Insurance - I know some people think car/life, but my first concern was actually medical. As an outsider, I'm not covered by Australia's healthcare until I'm married or a citizen/permanent resident. Depending on which visa I come into the country under, purchasing medical insurance may be a necessity.
- Work - kind of a duh, maybe, but cash flow - how the heck am I bringing in money to care for myself?
Now, some of these may be easy to work out, others not so much. But it's worth looking at each category and really thinking about how you want to approach it. Because let's face it - it's not all going to go smoothly. And you want to give your relationship as smooth of a transition as possible.
I look at everything LDR couples have to resolve before they can move, the practicalities that must be addressed somehow, and I marvel at how people manage.
What sort of things did you find you'd have to cover before you move/moved that surprised you?
He didn't do any planning at all, and we learned our lesson! After around two months of looking for a job and not being able to find one, I think his spirit was broken because he he always found jobs easily in the past. He thought he would be able to find a job right away, but in this economy there is no guarantee, plus you have to go the extra mile to find one! His money started running out, so he decided to just move back home where he got his old job back. However, he didn't have a house anymore when he came back so then he had to find another one which was stressful.
And its really sad how hard it is to actually move together (especially if you're from two different countries).
I know a friend of mine moved from Munich (Germany) to Auckland (NZ) cause of her SO and she was without a job for like a year and then when she finally found one it was just some job at a cafe or petrol station and comparing to her well paid job at a lawyers office here in Germany I'm sure it was very frustrating for her :/ But she as well had a lot of money saved previously and I guess what helped her and what will help everyone else a lot is the support of the partner.
But yes sadly money is the biggest issue.