I've been getting all my clothes together to figure out what I want to pack. Turns out there are 60+ shirts I want to bring!! I wear them all, which is going to make it difficult to narrow them down among everything else. I only have a 40kg limit so that sucks, maybe cheap flights aren't always the way to go.
I went to visit my Grandma (Dad's side) today one last time before I go. I didn't really have much to say to her and I always feel terrible about that. I blame my Dad for never going out to see her when I was growing up, or even now. I've never really been able to have the relationship with her as I do with my other Grandparents. It was still nice but I had help from my Mom keeping up conversation. I couldn't help think that that might be the last time I see her.
I think I think about death too much. I think about dying and getting old almost everyday. I don't know why, I wish I didn't cause its kind of a damper. I've been trying to make sure I see my other grandparents lots before I go cause I am scared of not seeing them again.
I keep having dreams about my ex. I've had them randomly ever since we broke up 3 years ago but lately it's been almost every time I close my eyes. I don't have feelings for him and most of the dreams are not of us being together. The last one I had, I had to get all my stuff from my old house before he got there so I wouldn't have to se him. I don't know if it had to do with unfinished business. When we broke up it was mutual. Everything was fine, the end. Except my stupid bitch roommate was mad that I was leaving my lease early to travel and told him things like I was reading his email and shit. I sent him an email trying to mend things but he didn't believe me and tore me up pretty bad. I never emailed him back after and I think I just want some closure that he isn't mad at me. How dumb, after 3 years and I still can't get him out of me head.
I'm so sick of being disappointed. In the last 3 days everyone Ive made plans with have let me down. It seems to happen way to much. Don't tell me you want to hang out or whatever if you can't follow though. Maybe if I stop having faith in people I can never be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised.
One last note, Bridesmaids was the funniest movie I have seen in a really long time. I don't usually laugh during movies but I was almost in tears it was so good!
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snow_girl started a blog post Random thoughts in my brainRandom thoughts in my brain
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I am closer to one set of grandparents than the other set, too. I definitely feel like I have to be much more formal around the set I see less. I think that it is fine to think of mortality in that way--after all, it compels you to spend time with your grandparents and I am sure they appreciate visiting with you. I think that I sometimes take it for granted that mine will always be around (or don't want to think about mortality), but you have reminded me that I need to make more of an effort to visit them.
About your ex dreams, I think I made a comment in the vets section about that, but it was late and I thought you were talking about your SO (or maybe you were). If I was confused, I'm sorry! Anyway, as for these dreams, it may not actually be him you are focusing on, really. Often, we can pluck familiar images out from the recesses of our minds to make sense of dreams and those familiar images may represent some other person, thing, or situation. Perhaps, identifying a current situation that might make you feel like you are rushing to pack things away or avoiding something/ someone might help you unravel these dreams. I do get that, in your waking life, it makes sense to want to know that he is not still mad at you. Hopefully, you can get on to dreaming about better things.
Boo! People suck! It feels really disappointing when people flake out.
Ooo! Maybe I will check it out. I had mentioned it to my sister, thinking that the preview looked fun.
I'm meeting my family for the last time tomorrow night before I leave. I'm only close to my mum's side, so I'll only be having dinner with them, which I'm expecting to be hard enough. /:
I've been packing and I have 1 medium, 1 large suitcase. And I've filled less than half of the large suitcase and I'm done with all my clothes. I have a backpack full of jackets, sweatshirts and shoes. I guess that's a pro of gaining so much weight, that I can't keep a lot of clothes because of how fat I've gotten.
And my friends...I feel like they've already been excluding me even before I leave. I've been feeling a bit down about that lately. ):