It is probably only my own insecurities getting in my head but I'm feeling slightly unloved. I talked to you Friday about how all I want before bed is a kiss, the night before last I didn't get one and I had to ask for one last night. It makes me feel like it's not important to you, and you don't want to kiss me. I feel like a pest coming to you for kisses. I always get up when you get home to come see you and if I don't come over to the couch when I get home it seems we could go hours without a hug or anything.
Maybe I am reading into all this way too much and it's just me being silly, and thats why I haven't said anything and I know you do wonderful things for me and you came and gave me a kiss when you woke up yesterday but I've had too many sleepless nights recently dwelling on this little thing wondering if it is just more then me being dumb.
I sent this to my SO on Monday. Night time rolls around and we get into bed and nothing happens! I wait way long enough to realize it's not going to so I turn over and start to get teary. He hears me and asks what's wrong. I ask if he read my letter.
'Yes'
'...and?'
'Well what do you want me to say?'

I'm crushed. We lay there for a while and I don't remember how the whole convo went cause it was late but the gist of it is that he has a lot in his head and he'd rather not do anything rather then (I don't remember what he said) he continued on to say that he has to work the stuff out in his head and can't talk to me cause it will only make things worse. I can only guess he is still dealing with the incident of me kissing someone else at the beginning of the year. We've already talked about it and I've moved past it but I think he is still dealing with it.

Since the letter I feel like all our kisses have been forced, it took ages to get one last night as well and when I met him after work it was only just a quick one.

I don't know what to do, I wrote up some things to talk to him about like if we want us to work then we both need to be giving 100% and ignoring me while he's dealing with stuff isn't going to make it any better. My family will be here in Sunday, I don't know if I should press the issue or leave it till after they are gone. I was thinking about asking if he wants some space to sort his stuff out, I'll be gone for 9 days with my fam we could start with that?

He's just become so negative about everything, I asked if he'd want to go talk to someone but he doesn't see the point. I'm at the point where I have thought about whether or not a break up is coming and what I'd need to do to prepare for one. I've got some savings to move out, but I don't know where I'd go until I found a place. I don't think I'd want to stay in the flat together. I really don't want it to come to that but you can't have a tennis match with someone that won't return the ball.