I feel like things aren't great. I don't know that he is aware of any of it. I've had doubts for a while and I just can't seem to shake them. In the next couple months it will be time to apply for the unmarried partner visa and this has me scared to death. I don't know why, it's not like anything would change after we got it, but maybe thats what I'm scared of.
I want to stay in the UK for a while longer but I feel like its so much money to go through with it if I'm not entirely sure thats what I want and if our relationship isn't at its strongest.
I don't know if this can be saved but I want to make sure it is the right thing and I can say I've given it my all before I make a move. I don't know if I talk to him and tell him how I'm feeling or if I say we try taking a break (which wouldn't really work cause I'd have no where to go) I don't know if I'll ever be entirely sure about this which is the scary thing cause once its over thats it. There is no getting back together with being from different countries. I go home and I never see him again.
I know this is all over the place, I don't really know how to put this in words but I need to get it out. Maybe someone can help me that way.
It hurts me so much just thinking about it. Our relationship started off like a fairy tale, I thought for sure he was the one. Maybe we rushed into things I don't know, but I don't think I felt as excited as I should since we moved it. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I do any everyone else seems like its been amazing and I....don't know. There are things that were okay at first but now I question if they are qualities I'd want to marry.
I was feeling really good about us before I came home but since that whole Christmas thing again it brought up all those doubts. He even apologized to me last time we skyped but it always feels too little too late. I feel like he tries and for the most part is really great. My mom said all guys are idiots in some way and you just have to find one where the good times and all that out weigh the not so good stuff. Maybe I'm asking too much for everything to change. I don't want to go into all the details right now.
I just don't know what to do.
Ps Katie, I'm sure you won't but if you read this don't say anything to Loic
"Don't complain to me about things. If you want to do something, then DO IT! How's telling me what you would like to do going to help?"
I read this relationship self help book (yes, I know...) some time ago and the author suggested that it doesn't always need two people to work on a relationship. If you're unhappy, then there's a lot of things you can do to make yourself happier... if after that you feel good about your relationship again, that's good. If you changed the things you could and you're still unhappy about the relationship, maybe it's time to re-consider it.
You really should do something on your own even if it's just hanging out with a few people other than your SO. Some space can do wonders to a relationship. And why does your SO complain about you spending time away from him if he doesn't wanna do anything with you?
You have fought for this relationship and made compromises. He should do the same. I agree with LB that people don't really change deep down but there's a difference with changing who you are and making an effort for someone you love.
I think you should talk to him about it but ultimately it's your call. I got the news out of the blue: "This isn't working and I wanna move away". It was devastating to hear and I don't know if talking about it beforehand would've made a difference but it sure as hell would've made me try harder. I hope things turn out for the best *hugs*
I am unsure of what I think is best with regards to talking to him about it or not... I think the most imporant thing is that you're not as happy as you could be and something needs to change. Maybe don't use the word "doubt" but tell him you're going to make changes and that you're not happy. I would be lying if I said I've never had doubts about my relationship,
I know what you mean about not feeling like you have a life of your own, and it's so ridiculously hard to meet people in London. I think having your own friends and your own life is so important, and I've lost that lately too. We can do lots more when you're back if you want! And come down to Clapham and I'll kick Loic out and we can do a girls night out! You can come stay with me whenever you want, and we can socialise without the males
I don't really know what advice to give, but I'm sorry you're feeling bad and I hope that you can work out what's best for you.