I told him Wednesday night that I've started seeing a counsellor. He didn't take it very well and almost got angry and defensive over it. When I got home from work last night I was hoping he'd want to talk about it after having time to think about what I said, but no it was awkward and we watched a show and went to bed without kissing each other or anything.

This morning was still weird so I asked him how long it was going to be like this and then we talked. I told him I was struggling with this lack of affection and everything else and told him I was trying so hard but I don't know what I can do anymore. In a nutshell he said he feels like it is easier to do nothing then something. Not just in regards to us but his whole life, he feels apathetic towards everything and has disconnected from a lot of people in the last year. I told him that if he didn't want to try to feel better and make things better for him and us, then he would end up pushing me away as well.

I was ready to call it quits but didn't. Partially maybe because absolutely anyone I could crash with are away for Easter, I don't know. I guess I still have hope (although fading fast) that this might work.

I cried, even he cried. He thinks seeing someone to talk to would be stupid and useless and he also thinks taking medication wouldn't help. That leaves me in a pretty tight place. How do you help someone that doesn't want help? I told him I can't continue if things keep going in this direction.

He said if you have to try then whats the point and that if I am unhappy then why would I want to come back on the visa. I said I do want to come back but if he isn't going to make an effort then why would I want to?

He always says he doesn't know what to say when I talk to him and I told him I needed to get something from him cause it always leaves me worse off when we end a conversation so open. We did leave it a little open, I'm not really sure where to go from here but he did open up and tell me how he was feeling and that was nice.

The ball is in his court now, I guess we'll see what happens in the next few weeks. I have less then two months till I go home so I'll keep trying till then I 'spose